11 tips for coping with fussy eaters

Is dinner time a battle of wills? As 49 per cent of mums describe their children as fussy eaters, here’s how to make family meals fun, not fraught…

‘Beans are yuck!’

It’s no coincidence that children often become mighty particular about food at around the time when they’re clearly able to express likes and dislikes.

At toddler stage, your child is discovering that she can make choices and flex those little independent muscles – and if green beans are ‘horrible’ today, no amount of cajoling will persuade her otherwise. In fact, engaging in a battle of will is likely to make her even more determined to shun your greens.

So take a deep breath, encourage her to eat the rest of her meal, and don’t make a big issue out of it.
The chosen few

Likewise, it’s very common for children to stick to what seems like a terribly limited range of foods. ‘Cameron doesn’t eat much more than bread, ham, salami and plain pasta,’ explains his mum, Fran, 38, of her six year-old.

‘It’s incredibly trying and frustrating. I worry that he’s missing out on nutrients and will still be embarrassing picky as an adult.’ Yet studies show that, even if your child’s food repertoire seems incredibly small, it’s unlikely that his nutritional needs aren’t being met.

Over the course of a week – which is what matters – he probably consumes a far wider variety than you realise.
‘What a waste…’

Of course it’s infuriating when your child’s abandoned dinner ends up in the bin. ‘All that shopping and cooking, then seeing it go to waste – it drives me crazy,’ admits Sally, 47, mum to eight year-old twins Michael and Jack.

If you feel your temper bubbling up, bear in mind that your child might want a reaction, and that a power game might be at work here. Just keep offering a range of healthy foods – in small portions that won’t overwhelm – and try to remain calm and neutral if some are refused.
All together now...

Rather than focusing on what your child won’t eat, it makes sense to cultivate a positive attitude towards food and mealtimes. Studies show that children tend to eat more healthily at the table with their family – in front of the TV, it’s easy to be distracted, with dinner left half-eaten because it’s gone cold.

While it’s not always possible to eat together, try to at least make family dinners a feature at weekends (in a survey by food company Barilla and US Family Circle magazine, half of children said it was easier to talk about their feelings over the dinner table).

Try to keep the mood light and positive, too – after all, adults bickering at the table is enough to put anyone off their food…
Gently does it

Sometimes, a child ‘goes off’ previously liked foods for no apparent reason. Often, though, an illness triggers a reluctance to eat certain things – particularly if your child associates them with feeling queasy or unwell.

If he’s adamant about hating a specific food – say, eggs, fish or red meat – then leave it off his plate for the time being. You can always reintroduce it when he’s a little older (children’s tastes change remarkably quickly). In the meantime, it’s not worth those tears at the table…
Something familiar, something new…

If you’re introducing a new taste, it might take a few mealtimes (and a whole bucketload of patience) before your child agrees to try it.

You can up the chances of success by offering it alongside more familiar, well-liked foods; that way, he has the reassurance of some old favourites on his plate too. If he does sample the new taste, be positive but don’t lavish praise.

Where food is concerned, it pays to adopt a laid-back, casual attitude, rather than making it an emotional issue.
‘What shall we choose today?’

Children are far more likely to be cooperative if they feel consulted and involved. Doing a giant supermarket shop with little ones in tow might seem like living hell – but perhaps your offspring could accompany you on more manageable trips, and play a part in the choosing.

Of course no parent can let their child dictate their entire shopping list. Yet allowing her to make small decisions – like which lettuce or apples to buy – makes her feel empowered, and realise that planning meals (and eating them!) can be fun.
Sweet rewards?

Whilst it’s tempting to give in for an easy life, picky eaters can be even less likely to tuck into dinner if there’s a scrummy pudding for afters.

Explain that desserts are a treat, and that those all-important nutrients come from the main dinner, not sweet treats. As for nibbling between meals, active kids do need to keep energy levels up, especially when they come home ravenous from school.

Steer them towards healthy snacks like fresh or dried fruit, yoghurt, cheese and crackers, and not too close to a meal. If a child is perpetually grazing, he’ll rarely feel hungry enough to relish his dinner.
United we stand…

‘Isabel’s fussy eating has caused so many rows between her dad and me,’ admits mum Amy, 29, of her five year-old. ‘Whereas I’ve decided to lay off the nagging, her dad blows up and makes her finish her meal, so the atmosphere at the table is awful.’

Forcing a child to clear her plate doesn’t help long-term, as mealtimes become even more fraught. Plus, a good cop/bad cop situation sends confusing messages (‘Dad’s making me eat this, Mum says I don’t have to… and now they’re arguing...’).

Together with your partner, try to find a way of handling the situation in a calm, measured way, so you appear as a united front.
All in good taste

If your child shuns something as bland as potatoes, you might assume she’ll also reject more challenging tastes too. Yet kids can surprise us by loving strongly-flavoured foods, especially if they’ve helped to prepare a dish (40 per cent of kids would like to be more involved in cooking, according to the Family Circle survey).

‘Indie loves things I’d consider quite “difficult”, like olives, blue cheese, curries and even anchovies,’ says her mum Marie, 35, of her eight year-old. ‘Yet she turns up her nose at toast with butter or even plain boiled rice!’ There’s no accounting for taste…
Give peas a chance…

If you’re still tearing your hair out, remember that you probably had food fads of your own, and that most of us learn to enjoy a wide range of textures and tastes eventually. So yes – your child will probably will grow to love peas instead of pinging them off the table.

However, according to a survey for Cancer Research UK, certain foods will forever remain ‘yeuch’ to children. Top of the hate list? Poor old avocado, leeks, melon and cottage cheese. Better hold the guacamole for a few years yet…
Next Up: 10 parenting issues that divide women
There's nothing like raising a family to spark debate - so which side are you on? Here are some of the hottest topics right now...