30 ways to feel more frisky
Take a steamy, sudsy bath
Since stress is a major libido inhibitor, relaxing rituals like bathing can help thwart nooky-killing notions like 'Not tonight honey.' Take it a step further by hopping in the tub with your honey. Research from the German Rheingold Institute indicates that couples who occasionally bathe together have a stronger connection than those who don’t.
'Take a steamy bath or shower with your partner and take the time to suds each other up and rub each other down,' says Patty Brisben, founder of Pure Romance. Make things even more enticing by including the Pleasure Puff, a vibrator-hiding loofah (find at Pure Romance), in your bath-play!
Fondle the produce
Keep your eyes open for seductive turn-ons in ordinary places. 'Look for visual stimulation everywhere you go, then take think naughty thoughts when those opportunities arise,' suggests Dana B. Myers, founder of Booty Parlor and author of The Official Booty Parlor Mojo Makeover. 'For example, when you walk past all those thick, shiny carrots at the market, touch one and remember the hottest romp you ever had.'
Myers suggests keeping a little notebook of anything that makes you a little lusty. 'It could be the produce section, the sexy stranger who brushed up against you in the elevator or the sight of yourself in a lingerie fitting room…if it gives you a tingle, jot it down,' says Myers. 'Soon, you'll have a whole notebook of turn-ons you can reference in a pinch when you need to fire up your spark.'
Set up a sex toy sampler
Whip out all your toys and enjoy a sexy smorgasbord. 'Create a sizzle sampler by laying out all your vibes and giving yourself a few seconds with each, enough to get you going but not completed,' says Lou Paget, AASECT Certified Sex Educator, bestselling author of The Great Lover Playbook. Start solo to get yourself super-charged and turned on. 'If you have a lover, tell him your toys help banish the daily blahs and get you in the mood for sex,' says Paget. Be sure to add share! Offering to let a partner watch or get involved will instantly turn him on as well.
Create a sex bucket list
What makes you sweat (in a good way) at the mere thought of it? Want to be tied up, held down, stripped or have sex in public? Now’s the time to seriously consider what sexual adventures you’d like to have before you’re well…no longer sexual. 'Write down five things that you and your partner have never done together and have him do the same,' says Brisben. 'Exchange lists and make an effort to do one thing each week.' Just reading each other’s lists can be a turn-on. No partner? Write your own list and start imagining how you might tick those items off, one by one. Even if you never try them, just thinking about your 'to do' list will peak your interest to do other deeds.
Work out your girl parts
'Working the pelvic floor muscles can get your juices flowing, literally,' says Alyce Adams, RN, Kegel Queen and creator of the Kegel Success in Minutes a Day program. 'Quickly squeeze and release the muscles several times by pretending you need to pee and pass gas and holding them both back at the same time, then rest for a few seconds. Do sets of five or ten quick squeezes as long as you like.' Contracting down there will increase blood flow to these muscles and to the entire area around your clitoris and vagina. And more blood flow leads to arousal. Before you know it you'll be ready for action.
Drink a glass of red wine
A study at the University of Florence (of course) found that drinking a glass or two of red wine per day can actually enhance a woman’s sexual desire. The study of 800 women from ages 18 to 50 included those who drank one or two glasses, less than one glass or other alcohol and teetotalers. The red wine drinkers scored top marks on the Female Sexual Function Index questionnaire, a measurement used by doctors to assess women and sexual health. Researchers suspect the antioxidants in red wine could have a beneficial effect on widening blood vessels and increasing blood flow to ummm…key body parts.
Stage a lingerie fashion show
'Use candles to create your own catwalk, and stage a lingerie fashion show with all your favorite intimates,' says Ali Cudby, author of Busted: The Fab Foundations Guide to Bras that Fit, Flatter and Feel Fantastic. 'The show can be for your lover...or for yourself…eiither way, strike a pose and admire your own moves.' Just seeing yourself in your fancy, sexy under-things can be a quick turn-on for you, and for anyone lucky enough to have a bedside seat.
Go bare…down THERE
'Going bare with a Brazilian bikini wax is absolutely a sexual stimulant, for you and for your partner,' says celebrity aesthetician Christina Perrino. 'Though your might twinge a little in the waxing room, the results are worth it. You feel more sensitive during the deed and knowing you're well groomed can make you more confident and ready for sex.' Smooth nether regions are definitely a turn-on. But just getting the Brazilian can put you in the mood!
Just make sure you wait 24 hours before you do the dirty. 'It’s important to give those little hair follicles a rest. There's nothing worse than getting ingrown hairs from improper aftercare,' says Perrino, who also suggests avoiding super hot or super cold showers, swimming in chlorine or salt water, or any sweat-inducing exercise.
Share a fantasy
Call your lover and, without announcing yourself, just launch into a conversation relaying a sexual fantasy, suggests Joel D. Block, Ph.D., a sex therapist and co-author of Sex Comes First. 'Yes, it's risky, but that kind of confession usually brings on an instant flush. Sharing a secret is very intimate and releasing a deep fantasy is like a hidden treasure of eroticism. It has an element of danger, which can sharpen your senses and give you an instant hormonal boost which not only gets you in the mood, but keeps on giving well beyond that.'
Turn your bedroom into a sex den
Transform your bedroom into an intimate oasis, suggests Brisben. 'Throw a red scarf over a lampshade, have champagne waiting....Just putting together your love nest will get you in the mood.' Other ideas? Toss down a soft faux fur rug, light sensual smelling candles, sprinkle rose petals around, drape a gauzy fabric from the ceiling over your bed or leave out a few little playthings. Set the scene so the objective is unmistakable.
Dance like a stripper
'Nothing like a slow grind of intimate, isolated undulations to hypnotize and awaken your primal nature,' says former erotic dancer and now sexuality coach Billy Sunday Mars, author of Fit For Love. 'Caress your curves, lightly graze your erogenous zones.' Dance like you want to get it on. 'The best part about sexy dancing at home is that the bedroom is only a few steps away,' says Brisben. 'Or who needs the bedroom? When it comes to lovemaking, any room will do!'
Massage your belly button
There are two acupressure points in your belly button region that can stimulate your sexual get up and go. 'Certain acupressure points can work as energetic triggers to help activate your more amorous parts,' says licensed acupuncturist Christine Brooks Bokhour. 'Learn to open these pathways and you can turn yourself on without even disrobing. Think of it as a push button for your libido,' she says. To stimulate the area, rub the spot a few inches below your belly button in little clockwise circles or massage up and down the centre line between your pubic bone and belly button.
Add a little tingle
'Tingle creams are great for intercourse but even better during foreplay,' says Brisben. 'Apply a dab to the clitoris, penis and testicles as you begin to play and get turned on fast!'
Stage a boudoir photo shoot
'Allowing yourself to feel comfortable in front of the camera will reveal your sensuous and playful side,' says photographer Ashley Naomi. 'I do my best to help my clients think about love and passion. It helps them them show off what their men love about them while allowing them to pose naturally. It ends up being tons of fun and they leave feeling sexy.' Consider having professional shots done (Samantha from Sex and the City did it and she was definitely turned on by the results) or prop your digital camera on a tripod, set the timer and stage your own shoot. It’s a turn on to see how sexy you can be!
Get fit for love
Working out can make your body look better naked and help you get in the mood. 'Women can get turned on more easily when they feel they are in shape,' says Alice Domar, Ph.D, Co-author of Live a Little. 'Exercise is a definite libido booster. Afterwards you will likely be ready to work up a sweat in a more passionate way.' Plus, whenever you work out, your blood pumps to all regions of your body more effectively… if you catch our drift.
Smell his musk
'Your sense of smell is your most accurate sense and has the longest term memory,' says Paget. 'When you smell something the nasal neuron goes straight to the area of your brain that activates emotions.' In other words, just one whiff and you can be on your way to nirvana. If your man isn’t around, fill a small vial with his favourite cologne then sniff it or spritz it on something you’re wearing. 'It’s like creating your own aphrodisiacal aromatherapy,' says Paget.
No lover that you care to recall? Choose a scent with sage, ylang-ylang, patchouli or jasmine. These scents activate the pituitary gland to produce endorphins that can produce sexual feelings.
Tease yourself (in Public)
Getting jiggy with yourself in an unexpected place can be surprisingly erotic. 'Tease yourself secretly and slyly in public,' says Block. 'Let the subway or train's vibrations work for you. Reach down under your desk or coyly arouse yourself in some other public place.' Be creative (e.g., hand in your coat pocket, vibrating iPhone, edge of your purse)! By the time you’re ready for some full-blown action, you’ll be warmed up, and the thought of what you were naughtily doing in public can push you back into the turn-on zone. 'Focus on that self-stimulating experience as you start to get it on with your guy and it will be like you just plugged your vibrator into yourself,' says Block.
Take a timeout
Men can get turned on by...well, almost anything. Women, on the other hand, sometimes need coaxing. 'Men have an amazing ability to shift gears instantly and be ready for sex at a moment's notice, but for women, it's not always as easy to let go of our thoughts and responsibilities so we can transition into lovemaking,' says Adams. 'If you're not in the mood and you'd like to be, take a couple minutes to be alone in a quiet place and do some slow, deep breathing. It will clear your mind and relax you.' Adams suggests closing your eyes and taking three deep, slow breaths before you return to your guy. As you breathe out, imagine your thoughts and worries gently leaving your mind. You can always come back to them later. 'But after you've enjoyed some great sex, those worries might not seem so bad!' says Adams.
Play hot and cold!
'When you alternate hot and cold sensations, the blood vessels in the affected area expand and contract,' says Brisben. 'This heightens pleasure and is sure to get you going.' Check out the Ice Breaker, a silicone cylinder you fill with water and freeze for some not-so-frigid foreplay! Alternate with the Hot Heart Massager, which heats up to 129-degrees with one click, and you’ve got a perfect recipe for hot-and-cold play that will undoubtedly leave you squirming…in a good way.
'Throw out the notion that porn is just for men, and let it be a source of instant visual stimulation for you,' says Myers. Sites like youporn.com allow you to choose a category (amateur, fantasy, funny, naughty) and preview a clip so you are not thrown head-deep into something that will do the opposite of turn you on. Choose something with a storyline and it’s almost like a 3-D romance novel - almost. Who knows, you might pick up some new positions to try during the viewing process!
Buy 'sex' sheets
'I love buying new sheets with the hopes of ‘dirtying’ them with a lover,' says Nina Helms, founder of Sexual Health Enthusiasts. Pick a soft fabric such as flannel or a cotton with a high thread count that you can imagine rolling around naked on. Red satin isn’t actually practical). Then race home with your purchase, change the bed and feel free to ask someone to join you for the launch party. If things go well, you can re-name them 'get lucky' sheets
Be a dirty librarian
Create a 'filing' plan for the naughty bits in your romance collection. Use post-its or bookmarkers to highlight the pages with particularly hot love scenes in books you remember devouring. The next time you are feeling an itch (or want to feel that itch soon), leaf through your faves and re-read the 'he touched her gently while brushing the strap of her camisole carelessly off her shoulder and burying his lips into her neck…' types of passages. You’ll be ready to take your own clothes off within a couple pages.
Ditching your skivvies and going commando is a quick way to feel sexy, naughty and ready for action. 'Going commando means always being aware of what's not down there,' says Cudby. 'The sly, saucy smile on your face radiates the secret you won’t (or will) share.' If you decide to go panty-free, sharing that fact with your amour du jour is sure to turn him on, too. Just make sure you’re prepared with protection if he decides to drag you off to his lair (or the nearest bathroom).
Get him to nibble on your ear
'There's a trigger point in the ear that I've heard called the ‘honey I'm home’ point,' laughs Bokhour. 'Believe it or not, it’s kind of a direct link to the clitoris in some women!' Locating acupuncture/acupressure points in the ear can be tricky, but with a little 'exploration' you will probably find yourself turned on (even if he never finds the exact spot). To hit the honey-I’m-home trigger point, have him nibble above where a piercing in the lobe might be but closer to the ear hole and just slightly over and above the harder line of cartilage. No nibbler around? Press your own fingernail on the inside of the lower ear.
Eat chocolate and cheese
'Dark chocolate - at least 70 percent cocoa - raises PEA (phenylethylalanine), a neurotransmitter that increases arousal. The ‘love high’ has just enough sugar and caffeine to help you make love if you’re kinda’ tired,' says Mars. Cheese (especially stinky cheese) has more PEA than chocolate. For a quicker turn-on, eat the chocolate and the cheese even if it means you have to force it down (yeah, right). This maths is pretty easy: Brie + Godiva + sex = win-win-win.
Set the (music) tone
Create a mix of songs (Prince’s 'When Doves Cry,' 'Milkshake' by Kelis) that get you going and play them back to back. Then 'stand in the mirror wearing a demi cup bra and shimmy-shake your girls,' says Myers. 'Channel your inner video vixen and undulate your hips like you mean it! By the end of the song, you'll be convinced your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...and it's up to you what you're going to do with them.'
Pop a pre-sex cocktail
Herbs like arginine have been shown to help with vaso-dilation (getting blood to your private parts faster). Catuaba can enhance desire (bring it on). And, Maca is used for stamina (all nighter anyone?). 'Arginine, catuaba, maca and yes, horny goat weed with yohimbe work as well for women as they do for men,' says Mars. 'This coital combo helps you get engorged and engaged.'
To be safe, check with your doctor before taking any herbs.
Put together a dress-up drawer
'Lingerie can instantly transform you into a bombshell, a princess or any other hot persona,' says Myers. 'Keep a supply of frilly thongs, peek-a-boo bikinis or even naughty costumes, so you can slip into something that gets you in the mood instantly.' Try the pin-up girl look with some retro underpinnings from the 50s. 'The combination of yesterday's garters and today’s fabrics means a look that’s so smooth, sheer and sexy, you may never get out of your bedroom, especially when you try a few burlesque moves in the mirror to channel your inner femme fatale,' suggests Cudby.
'If you’re going out, slip on a slinky nightgown while you're getting ready,' suggests Cudby. 'Just feeling the fabric slide lightly against your skin will caress your most sensitive places and leave you feeling just the right amount of hot and bothered.' Or, roll on a pair of thigh-high stockings and heels (and nothing else!). In an instant, you'll feel like a powerful vixen ready to pounce.
Steal something of his
Snag something that has your guy’s imprint all over it (whether it’s a t-shirt or a button-up or maybe a hoodie he digs) and keep it close when you’re apart. Just the touch of something of his can serve to remind you of the bond you have, and the heat you share. Wearing his shirt and nothing else can also trigger feelings of arousal for you and him (men often get turned on by seeing a woman look tiny in their 'man clothes'). 'Your brain is your most powerful sexual organ. As it goes so does your libido,' says Paget.
Have a solo show
'An orgasm leaves you floating on a cloud of tingling electric happiness and makes you feel amazing, so why not have a pre-gamer!' suggests Myers. You don’t always need lots of foreplay to have an orgasm and sometimes you can use your first orgasm to get you turned on for more sex, says Myers. On a night you know you're going to get busy with your guy, sneak into the bathroom with your favourite toy and have a solo quickie. It'll loosen you up, get you ready to romp and set the scene for a night of many orgasms instead of your standard single.
Next Up: 50 shades of play
If you've read the book which gripped a nation of women this year, you can now have the tools to act out your own fantasy role play!