4 ways to end your sexual dry spell
You're intelligent, fun, good-looking, easy to get along with and comfortable around men. So how come it seems like the rest of the world has a boyfriend and is enjoying lots of regular sex, while you've been tucking yourself in night after night for months, even years? Here are four possible explanations - and how to improve your odds of getting some.
It's been too long between boyfriends
People in long-term relationships are accustomed to having someone around. They're used to touching, talking and thinking for two. Being with someone feels familiar to them - and studies show that human beings crave familiarity. However, being intrinsically lazy, our brain doesn't really care if 'familiar' isn't actually a nice place to be - for example, single and lonely. That's why the girl who's just broken up with her long-term love tends to find a new boyfriend rapidly, while your single girlfriend stays perennially single. So if you've been single for ages without so much as a drunken one-night stand, you'll need to shock your system into change. Breaking the drought not only makes you feel relieved ('Maybe I will find another boyfriend after all'), it also prepares you for change.
Now, it's not my place to tell you to get out there, grab the first half-decent guy who looks your way, flirt your bottom off and slam him against the nearest wall for a game of tonsil-tennis (and maybe a quick feel). But that could be exactly what you need. Your brain has forgotten what touching, kissing and sex feel like, so it's stopped telling you to get out there and find it. Give it a shot: Consider having a few flings-for-fling-sake. You'll send off far more relaxed, sexy vibes because you'll feel attractive and desirable again.
You're not thinking like a sexual being
I went a whole six months without sex (I know, shocking) because I got so swept up in work; I didn't have time for a boyfriend. After a while, I became accustomed to not having sex, and it stopped crossing my mind. Without making any conscious decisions, I stopped darting cheeky glances to every good-looking guy I saw. I stopped wondering if the guy reading alone in the bookstore was single. I stopped masturbating. In short, I was no longer a sexual being. Before this dry spell, men asked me out all the time. But suddenly no one came near me - even though I looked exactly the same. Was it because I wasn't out to find a man and picking up men's signals? Probably. Was it because I wasn't sending out any signals of my own? Definitely. Basically, I went off sex.
If you like sex, sexiness oozes from every pore, every movement. You walk with a swagger and stand with your breasts and bottom out. You cross your legs slowly and deliberately until you know every man in the place is watching. You play with your hair, dip your chin and look up through your lashes with a saucy smile - and that's just when you're paying the electric bill. Women who love sex smell - and not in a bad way. If you're aroused, your body pumps out 'come and get me' hormones, and men pick them up. So if you're not getting sex from someone else, go solo. Masturbate every day, read sexy books, watch sexy films, dress sexily. Focus on it, daydream about your best encounters, come up with some lurid fantasies - then get back out there.
You desperately need a makeover
Too tight clothes, try-too-hard outfits, frumpy clothes, an unflattering hairdo, clothes that disguise your best features... beauty might only be skin deep, but packaging is important. Yes, we all know it shouldn't be about what you look like. But he's never going to discover how fabulous you are unless he's attracted enough to talk to you in the first place! There are two classic mistakes long-term singles make. The first mistake is trying too hard: Turning up to a BBQ in heels, a dressy-dress with matching accessories and perfectly applied makeup won't have the cute single guy wanting to wrestle you on the grass. It reeks of desperation. On the other hand, there's the second mistake: giving up. Are you the one at the glitzy cocktail party in your work suit and no makeup? You're probably thinking: What's the point? No one's going to chat you up anyway. (Well, not if you're looking like that!)
The trick to looking attractive and approachable is to think casual sexy. If you've got the right bod, a cool pair of jeans, high heels and a sexy little top or sweater will take you almost anywhere. Most big department stores have a personal shopping service. Use it. Try on everything they bring you - you might be surprised at what works. Next stop, a good hairdresser (opt for a casual style, not one that looks 'done') and a visit to a professional make-up place: Get them to teach you good day and evening looks.
Now that your look's right, evaluate your body language. Stand and walk straight and tall, arms loose by your side rather than crossed. Don't hold your drink up as a barrier - hold it waist height instead. Make eye contact and smile. Don't stand or sit rigidly. Change your position every few minutes and try not to sit or stand symmetrically. Put the weight on one hip. Put your hand on your hip. Tilt your head to the side. Practice sexy ways to stand, walk and sit in front of the mirror. Would you approach yourself? Then you're on the right track.