Affairs: the choice is yours
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Are you on the fast track to infidelity? Sue Quilliam identifies the key reasons why women keep running off.
So when are you going to have an affair?
Notice I ask when, not whether because more women in the 21st century are choosing to have affairs. One of the most common reasons why husbands are granted divorce is the adultery of their wives. So it's more likely than not that at some point in a committed relationship, you'll be tempted to play away.
The question you're probably asking yourself, then, is whether you're at risk at the moment. To get an instant response, answer these ten diagnostic questions. The more yes answers you get, the higher the risk.
Do you feel:
your partner doesn't cuddle you as much as you would like?
you'd like to make love more than you do?
unappreciated by your partner?
that you'd prefer your partner to have a better paid or higher status job than he has?
your sex life is less enjoyable than it used to be?
your partner should listen to you more?
resentful your partner has had an affair.
your partner should pay you more attention?
disappointed or disillusioned in your relationship?
Are you in danger?
Whatever your diagnosis, you've already learned something because the quiz highlights the key reasons why women today have affairs. I call them the four Ds:
Disappointment
feeling that a relationship doesn't meet expectations. A study by psychologist Dr Shirley Glass shows that many women are unfaithful because they want more physical affection or emotional attention.
Desire
wanting more, or better sex. There's a direct link between the quality of women's sex lives and whether they stray or not.
Disillusionment
feeling that a partner is no longer worthwhile. Psychologist David Buss suggests that women often have affairs with men who are more successful or better paid than their current partner. A survey conducted by couples counselling organisation Relate this year found that many women who have affairs do so only after their partners have already been unfaithful.
Destruction
some women are looking for an affair to lever them out of a relationship they've grown out off. They may then stay with their lover. But typically, once the affair has served its purpose, they move on to a third and this time stable, relationship.
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