Anastasia's pregnancy diary - weeks 18-20

The story so far: Anastasia and her husband, Nick, have been married for 3 years and are expecting their first baby. Anastasia is a freelance writer and lives in London. Now read on…

Move me

There it is in print. ‘Week 18: If this is your first pregnancy, it is now that you will probably feel your baby move for the first time. It’s an exciting experience to feel the reassuring movements of your baby, telling you that everything is fine.’ How could a pregnancy book be so irresponsible? I’d love to feel those reassuring foetal movements, but so far, nothing. Nada. Not a twitch. Not an hour goes by without me wondering why I can’t feel anything when, seemingly, every other pregnant woman at this stage can. My friends with babies are no help – they can’t remember when they felt their first movements, and they tell me not to worry about it. My frantic research uncovers even worse news: if you feel an absence of foetal movement for 24 hours, it says, go to your doctor immediately. So what am I supposed to do? I must admit that, somewhere deep inside I know I’m being alarmist. I am able to find the sound of the heartbeat with my magic device (the stethoscope-like listening contraption my friend brought over from the States), so I know the baby’s OK in there. But I hate to miss out on something I’m ‘supposed’ to be feeling. Must be that competitive nature combined with too much information and pregnancy hormones. Either way, it’s really getting under my skin.

The kindness of strangers

A swim at my gym helps me turn the emotional corner. In the changing room I start chatting with an older lady, the first person to have the guts to ask, ‘Are you pregnant?’ which secretly delights me. I mentioned the fact that I can’t feel the baby move yet (I told you I was obsessed) and she said to me, with such sureness in her voice, ‘That means your baby is very comfortable in there and has a calm disposition. My firstborn was exactly the same way, I hardly ever felt her move at all during the pregnancy, and she was the easiest baby in the world. To this day has a lovely, calm disposition.’ Yes, the kindness of a stranger helped me get over my fixation on this issue, as I imagined my baby so happy and relaxed in my belly that, she just floated around in complete bliss and felt no reason to twitch and kick.