Anastasia's pregnancy diary weeks 4-10

Anastasia and her husband Nick have been married for 3 years and are expecting their first baby. Anastasia, who is 33, is a freelance writer and lives in London. This is her first entry for her pregnancy diary

The beginning

This was the 13th month in a row I’d woken up on the day my period was due filled with hope, fear, and newfound religion (‘Please God, let me be pregnant.’) Twelve times I had been disappointed. Today, something was different.

I’ve wanted babies ever since I relinquished a cherished doll at the age of twelve. But for the twenty-odd years since adolescence, selfishness overrode broodiness and having children never entered my mind. Until, that is, I met the love of my life. A couple of years into our marriage and the birth of my nephew ignited an acute case of baby lust, and suddenly there was no turning back. Thankfully, my husband Nick had been ‘ready’ (as ready as men ever are) and was waiting for the signal from me to go. Go.

I ceremoniously threw my diaphragm into the back of the cabinet and decided we’d just have fun. This strategy worked for approximately one day. I am an information seeker by nature, and although I believe information is power, I now believe that too much information can cripple. On the advice of a pregnant friend, I bought a 400-page book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and pored over it as if it were the focus of an exam.

Busy digesting this tome, I discovered my period had started. How could that be? I mean, for decades I had done everything I could to prevent pregnancy, and now that I wasn’t preventing it, I just assumed I’d catch it like some contagious, but desirable, disease. This changed everything. My body had betrayed me. Using my handy reference book, I immediately diagnosed myself with a range of problems – polycystic ovaries, short luteal phase or worse yet, ‘incompetent uterus.’