Baby love

By Susan Quilliam

You’re exhausted and elated at the end of pregnancy - but giving birth is just the start of it all. Life with baby may not be the bed of roses you’d imagined, says Susan Quilliam

So you’ve had a baby. It’s the best thing in the history of the world, for you and for your man. It’s the realisation of all your hopes and dreams.

So why isn’t life perfect? Why does giving birth mean so much physical, emotional and relationship stress?

You’re physically exhausted

The first and most obvious problem is that your energy is totally drained. You’ve been through labour, or major surgery if you’ve had a Caesarean section. You may still be sore, your pregnancy hormones will be plummeting. The demands of constantly caring for your little one – feeding, washing, changing – may mean that you’re not getting enough sleep, you’re not really looking after yourself, and you’re in a constant state of worry. Mary, who emailed me recently, worked as a gardener for five years, ‘but I’ve never been so tired as I was in the first few weeks after Jake was born.’

All these physical problems take their toll. And your man may not be able to sympathise because he hasn’t been through them. And, however much he cares for the new arrival, the overwhelming bond created between you and your baby typically affects you much more than it affects him.

What to do about physical exhaustion

Get more sleep – if necessary, get your man to feed the baby using your expressed milk.

Make sure you eat healthily and regularly – not just a snack on the run between feeding and changing.

Don’t expect to cope alone. Call up family, friends, other mums, your health visitor.

If things get really fraught – baby is very demanding, or crying constantly – ring the Cry-sis helpline on 020 7404 5011.