Getting control of your confidence at work can mean the difference between merely getting by, and positively succeeding in your role. Here iVillagers' from the Life in the Workplace message board offer tips to overcome some common confidence pitfalls
Q: What are good conversation starters?
I am going on a course with work for four days away in a hotel, but I do not know anyone going. Has anyone any tips for conversation starters or getting to know people and breaking the ice. I am quite shy and always seem to muck up these situations, ending up with no one to talk to or being left outside the 'group'.
tusty
Members' top tips
Remember that almost everyone else will be as nervous as you, you are all in the same boat. Try saying: `I'm quite nervous about this as I haven't been sent on a course before; what about you?' or simply, `Have you ever been on a course like this before?' Both would be good icebreakers. Smile more than usual, you are more approachable if you look happy. Getting stressed about it will make matters worse. Remember that over a four-day period you can't fail to get to know people. Do not try and be someone that you are not, just relax and concentrate on why you are on the course. Most of all, enjoy it, and your confidence will follow.
Q: How can I fit in?
I work in a field that is mainly populated by young, trendy twenty-somethings. I'm in my 30s, overweight and can't afford trendy clothes. I love my work, but I just can't seem to fit in. I always end up on my own at lunchtime, sitting at my desk because I've just got nothing in common with my colleagues. Can anyone advise me on how to fit in?
star7272
Members' top tips
Being large does not mean you can't be trendy, there is a wealth of sites on the net that cater for the more ample bodied - why not treat yourself? Smiling is a great way to make people feel more confident about approaching you, and makes you feel more self-assured too. Be more pro-active: the next time your colleagues go for lunch, ask to join them, you will probably find there is mutual ground there somewhere - you both work in the same place for starters! Chat to other large and confident women on iVillage Big &Happy message board. Remember your worth, you know that you are a kind and caring person, or else you wouldn't be concerned, convince yourself and you will convince them too.
Q: How can I handle an annoying co-worker? I work with a guy who is the lead on a project. When we run into a problem and go to someone for help, he talks over that person while they are explaining the solution. He tries to come across as if he knew the answer all the time, and was just trying to clarify things for me. I feel that he is using me to boost his own ego, but what can I do?
getjbb
Members' top tips
Either talk to him, or consult your boss for advice. Remember though that his behaviour is probably the result of feelings of inferiority, so bear this in mind if you confront him, and keep your tone positive and unthreatening. Others have probably noticed his behaviour too, you may find you are not alone in your opinions. Let him do the talking so it's clear that he doesn't know the answers, or ask him questions in front of the other person to put him on the spot. Go direct to the information source where possible, and bypass him altogether. It's within your rights to raise a more formal grievance, but only use this as a last resort.
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