A brazilian wax

The wax is then 'picked' at one edge (not covered with cloth strips) and whisked off whilst the skin is held taut (and your eyes clamped shut). Surprisingly, the pain is minimal. The skin reddens slightly as with any wax treatment, but feels clean, soft and smooth immediately afterwards.

After waxing, fresh aloe vera sap is applied. This acts as an antiseptic moisturiser that also dulls the reddening. Some salons favour pure coconut palm oil, which leaves you feeling silky and smooth and smelling decidedly tropical.

A word of warning. During one wax, the beautician invited her friend in whilst I was spread-eagled on the table and gossiped with her about the price of pineapples in the market whilst smothering me with hot wax. At one point she even enlisted her help to hold my bum cheek open. This is normal social behaviour in Brazil, but something I've yet to experience in the tranquil, pan-piped rooms of London salons.

Sexy runway
With a completely naked underside and only a strip of fur up top, you do feel physically cleaner and mentally dirtier.

Suddenly you feel inclined to strut about the bedroom demanding all sorts of sexual acts from your partner which would have made your pre-wax bush bristle with embarrassment.

At every opportunity, you want to expose yourself and say: 'Look! Isn't it neat and pretty! Quick, feel how smooth it is!' And men LOVE it! Aside from the fact you've suddenly mutated into Voluptua Sasskin, you're now also volunteering your vaginal area for detailed gynaecological inspection from your boyfriend. Something he's constantly striven for and you've constantly prevented with a vice-like thigh clamp.

Sexual intercourse itself doesn't feel any better or worse with a brazilian, but your new-found adoration of your pruned privet heightens your sexual confidence.

As well as sexier, you feel cleaner too. However scarce our English summers, when it is hot outside, you can be sure that you'll feel breezy, cool and fresh inside. So, now that you look neater, feel cleaner and more sexually rampant, why would you ever go back to a steamy, unkempt, full bush?

When Carmen Miranda famously sang: 'I, I, I, I, I, I like you ve-ery much,' she was obviously talking to her smoothly brazilianed muff.

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