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Girlfriend's body hair is a turn-off
Dear Susan,
Although I love my girlfriend dearly, she seems to have more than average body hair. This is not a major problem but there is a little on her chin and around her belly. How do I bring up in conversation the fact that I find it a turn-off without offending her and jeopardising our relationship?
Eddie
Hi Eddie,
There's something you obviously haven't realised. Almost certainly, your girlfriend is conscious of her body hair. Girls are far more aware and feel more uptight about this sort of thing than men are.
If you mention it, it's going to be a question of supporting her because she's probably already worried about her body hair and scared that you find it a turn-off. I'd start by touching her belly hair and seeing how she reacts. Watch her body language and ask if she's concerned about you touching her hair. Let her talk about her feelings and her attempts to solve the problem. Allow yourself to understand how she feels about it - and at the same time, very gently add in that you'd like it if she could get rid of it.
Bear in mind, though, that it may not be possible to 'get rid of it'. Your girlfriend may have a hormonal problem that causes extreme hair growth - in this case she may tell you of the years of her life she's spent trying to pluck, shave or wax. If so, you will have to accept that baby-soft skin is not something your girlfriend has.
Success in mentioning difficult subjects is never down to what you say but the way you say it. Your girlfriend needs to know you care about her feelings and that you find her attractive. If she knows that, then talking to her about body hair won't threaten your relationship. But if in the way you mention the topic - jokingly, teasingly, brutally - she gets the sense that you don't care, then quite rightly she will be hurt and offended. In other words, whatever you say, say it with love!
There's something you obviously haven't realised. Almost certainly, your girlfriend is conscious of her body hair. Girls are far more aware and feel more uptight about this sort of thing than men are.
If you mention it, it's going to be a question of supporting her because she's probably already worried about her body hair and scared that you find it a turn-off. I'd start by touching her belly hair and seeing how she reacts. Watch her body language and ask if she's concerned about you touching her hair. Let her talk about her feelings and her attempts to solve the problem. Allow yourself to understand how she feels about it - and at the same time, very gently add in that you'd like it if she could get rid of it.
Bear in mind, though, that it may not be possible to 'get rid of it'. Your girlfriend may have a hormonal problem that causes extreme hair growth - in this case she may tell you of the years of her life she's spent trying to pluck, shave or wax. If so, you will have to accept that baby-soft skin is not something your girlfriend has.
Success in mentioning difficult subjects is never down to what you say but the way you say it. Your girlfriend needs to know you care about her feelings and that you find her attractive. If she knows that, then talking to her about body hair won't threaten your relationship. But if in the way you mention the topic - jokingly, teasingly, brutally - she gets the sense that you don't care, then quite rightly she will be hurt and offended. In other words, whatever you say, say it with love!
Why not chat to other iVillagers about body hair on the Beauty Talk message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening now on the board:
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