How to shave

Look what you're doing
Don't ever shave without a mirror - in the shower for example. Shaving by braille means you may remove part of your haircut by accident, and have your barber call you "a nutter". I'm speaking from cruel experience. A steam-free magnifying mirror is your friend, wherever you shave. Double-check with your fingers for missed patches, particularly at the side of the neck, on your chin and most crucially, that little dent between your nose and your upper lip.

If you have cuts, for God's sake don't put fragments of toilet roll on them. You will forget to take them off, I promise. Apply a styptic pencil instead. Aftershaves make a virtue of sealing up cuts with their astringency. This is a bad thing, and not just because it hurts like hell. If you must use aftershave, get an alcohol-free one which won't dry out your skin and leave you a prematurely-aged husk of a man.

Final touches
Always finish off by moisturising your face and neck. Once again, there are plenty of products aimed at men which sound as if they were devised by Andy McNab: Titanium Anti-Oxidant Free Radical Assassin and so on. Despite what the adverts tell you, men's skin is not so very different from women's that you can't use whatever your girlfriend does. Nobody will know. Just make sure it has a built-in sunscreen and doesn't smell of lilacs. And you're done. Go get 'em, tiger. What do you mean, you're an hour late for work? Ever though about shaving at night?