Body image: in the eye of the beholder?

By Dr Pam Spurr

Are you your own worst critic when it comes to your body image? iVillage sex and love expert Dr Pam Spurr advises on how to love your lady lumps and bumps.

First for the bad news - a recent survey has found that three quarters of women worry so much about their body image, it ruins their sex life. This doesn't surprise me as I come across countless women who let their 'lady' lumps and bumps destroy different aspects of their life - including having a few fun frolics with their partners.

The lights must be off and bedcovers pulled up tight around their neck because they feel so self-conscious about their body size and shape. When really all their man wants is some fun and pleasure - and deep down that's what they want too!

Critical life events can damage body image

Some critical life events damage our feelings about our bodies even more. The biggest culprits are: 1) when we first meet someone, 2) our wedding day, 3) and post-pregnancy.

When we start seeing someone new, all we can think about is that they'll find us attractive. It's often a time we get obsessed with our body size and shape - and whether we're good enough.

Once we're over that hurdle, many get over-the-top anxiety about how we'll look on our wedding day. So much wasted energy when you'll be sizzling with the excitement of the day anyway!

But for others our long-term struggle with our body image comes post-pregnancy when our bundles of joy have wreaked havoc with our bodies!

This can be so damaging to our confidence and we're torn between knowing we shouldn't diet and yet wanting to have our pre-baby bodies back. I know I've been there! The brilliant news is there is lots you can do about your body image.

Begin with your type of body image negativity

Although women fret about their bodies for loads of reasons in my experience there are two big ones. Think honestly, are your body image worries are more about being a perfectionist or more about self-loathing or dislike?

If you're basically a perfectionist you set yourself incredibly high standards in all areas of your life. Overall be gentler on yourself. If you have low self-esteem and don't like yourself, then you simply can't see any good in yourself including your physique. Overall strive to look for the positives in yourself.