Susanne Remic is a primary school teacher, freelance writer and parenting blogger. She writes at Ghostwritermummy and Maternity Matters and in between all of that she regularly wins mummy of the year awards for running around after her two children, aged six and 19 months. This is her pregnancy blog: an online diary of her third pregnancy as she strives to overcome two difficult births, one angel child and one awkward toddler. Join Susanne as she shares every step of her journey from bump to baby!
To breastfeed or not to breastfeed?
By Susanne Remic on 30 Sep 2011
That is the question...
I breastfed my daughter exclusively for seven months. I did try her with a bottle but not until she was around eight weeks old and by then it was too late. She preferred the real thing to a plastic teat and who could blame her? We spent a couple of evenings with me hiding in the kitchen listening to poor old dad trying his best to feed his wailing daughter before we drew a line. It certainly wasn’t the end of the world to have her carry on with breast-milk only, even if she was putting on very little weight. Once she was seven months old, she decided that she preferred a cup and actually hasn’t drunk milk since. She’s fine, by the way.
My son was different. I breastfed him, but decided that the minute we got him home from the hospital we would give him a bottle of expressed milk. It worked a treat! He took to the bottle and had no problem at all switching from real to fake. No nipple confusion- perfect. Except it wasn’t.
When he was three weeks old I broke down as I told my health visitor that feeding wasn’t exactly going so well. It was painful and seemed excessive. My son would spend up to an hour feeding but would need feeding again less than an hour later because he was projectile vomiting his entire feed. Sometimes he was sick all over me during a feed and I was exhausted. He was diagnosed with reflux and eventually put onto medication after some tweaking with prescriptions. He was also put under consultant care at the hospital because he wasn’t putting on weight and was hardly sleeping due to the pain.
Our consultant advised that we needed to start weaning our son onto solids at the age of four months, as milk was aggravating his condition. We were also told that we should replace his bottles of expressed breast milk with formula - preferably hungry baby formula. I cried that night as he took his first bottle of formula. Talk about failure. Poor weight gain had happened before but my daughter had been ok- I thought my son would too. If it hadn’t been doctor’s orders, I would’ve persisted.
I eventually got to the point where I was existing only to feed my son. I was eating a very limited diet as we were convinced there was something more than just reflux. I was expressing milk desperately to avoid formula where I could. If I wasn’t expressing, I was feeding and then I realised that I had another child who needed me too. Something had to give. I gave up breastfeeding.
Giving up was difficult. At four months old, my son went on to comfort formula and eventually lactose-free on prescription. Looking back, had a diagnosis been made earlier, perhaps breastfeeding may have been more successful. Who knows? One thing that is certain is the fact that whether or not to breastfeed my new baby is no longer an easy decision.
Both of my children struggled to gain weight and both began to thrive once they were feeding from sources other than me. My doctor actually told me to stop. My son had an undiagnosed intolerance and a medical condition which ultimately made breastfeeding him the wrong thing to do. So what do I do this time?
I’m still undecided on this one. My midwife says that it would be a shame to breastfeed two and not the third. My hospital has introduced a new policy that says formula milk will not be provided to new mothers. My own personal Mum-guilt also tells me that I should breastfeed this baby. But what if I fail again? Is breastfeeding really the only way to go? I know that it is best for baby but is it always best for mum too?
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