Every week, Jo Hemmings, Behavioural and Celebrity Psychologist, will give her analysis on a topical news story, a celebrity scoop or a relevant piece of research in a way that you will be able to relate to in your own lives. As a Relationship Coach, who has counselled singles, couples and celebrities as well as having had regular appearances on TV analysing the behaviour of A-Listers through to reality TV contestants, Jo’s unique psychological spin will have you hooked! You can also find Jo on Twitter.
Caroline Flack, Harry Styles and age-gap outrage
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This past few days have seen outrage in the press and on Twitter because after much speculation and denial, 32-year-old, Xtra Factor presenter, Caroline Flack has revealed that she is, indeed, dating teenage heartthrob Harry Styles, from One Direction, who at 17, is 15 years her junior.
It’s not like we’re not used to age-gap relationships. If it was a man dating a woman 15 years younger, no one would bat an eyelid. And we’ve got used to accepting a few older women/younger men scenarios too – lovely Babs Windsor has been married to Scott Mitchell for 11 years now. She is 74 and he is 33. That’s a whopping age gap of 31 years.
But this new relationship is causing a massive stir. I asked my Twitter followers what they thought of the relationship and within moments my timeline was full of reactions from ‘she’s just doing it to advance her career’, ‘he’s just doing it to advance his career’, ‘no harm done, no one’s getting hurt’, ‘what would she see in a 17-year-old boy’ and ‘he’ll move on soon and leave her in emotional bits’.
But by far the strongest reaction was less to do with the actual age gap itself and more to do with his age. Seventeen years old – not old enough to buy a drink in a bar or to be able to vote but seemingly old enough to date a woman nearly twice his age. One feature that I read in the national press this week actually went as far as to say that not only was the relationship ‘creepy’ and ‘inappropriate’ but that her behaviour was ‘predatory’ and young boys should be warned off this kind of woman.
And there’s even a new parody account on Twitter – not that it takes long for those to pop up – gathering huge amounts of followers by the minute, called HarolineFlack. These accounts, which sometimes actually say what we are thinking, but may not want to spell out on a public forum, can be a good way of dealing with the feelings that these emotional conundrums present us with.
As a mother of two boys myself, I have to say that I understand this reaction. Would I want my 21-year-old dating a woman of 37? Nope, I definitely wouldn’t. And it would have seemed much worse if he was dating someone considerably older when he was just 17.
But the truth is that these two are in rebellious celebrity la-la land, where nothing is ever quite as mundane as it is for the rest of us, and it will seem more acceptable to them. And of course, for any celebrity to stay at the peak of their career, they have to take calculated risks about their behaviour and the publicity it will generate, to ensure that they are constantly on the media radar. So far, so good – considering the reaction this has provoked – but whether it will backfire for them in due course…? Maybe, maybe not.
From a psychological perspective, this is simply two people, who are not in other relationships and thus not hurting anyone else, having some fun together. Harry’s mother may not approve. And his legion of young teenage fans may well be appalled to see their 'heartthrob du jour' dating someone who is possibly the same age as their mother.
It would very much seem to be a liaison which not only goes against the grain traditionally, but where a young and easily influenced boy is being drawn into a relationship that he may simply not have the maturity to refuse. Or maybe he’s just having the time of his life – there are certainly a lot of teenage boys out there who would happily swap places with him…
Interestingly, and perhaps the most salient issue about all this is that biologically Caroline and Harry are the perfect pairing. Studies have shown that boys reach their sexual peak in their mid to late teens, while women reach theirs in their early 30s. So in terms of bedroom activity, one can only imagine that it’s absolutely sizzling!
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