Couples' worst habits

Nasty habits creep into even the most perfect relationships. Susan Quilliam points out which habits you should be worrying about and explains what you can do to zap them

Baby talk Nagging Absenteeism Compulsive borrowing Putting your feet up Flirting Using sex as a bargaining tool Overspending Being a slob Public put-downs

Baby talk
You constantly speak to each other as if you were infants, in high-pitched childish voices, using pet names or lovey-dovey language - sometimes even in public.

Why? Baby talk can be a way of avoiding adult issues in your relationship. It's a way of hiding from grown-up decisions. It can also be a strategy to hide anger in a relationship.

How's it a problem long-term? By not facing the anger and keeping the relationship babyish, mature communication, negotiation - and sex - will fast fall off the agenda.

How to fix it? Identify and tackle your relationship frustrations. You'll find as you sort the issues, the baby talk will die away and you'll start to relate to each other as adults.

Nagging
If something doesn't get done, or done to your standards, you comment. Again. And again. And again. The continual and wearing nagging only stops when your partner obeys.

Why? It's a vicious circle. The person being nagged feels pressured so digs his heels in and refuses to do what the nagger wants. The person nagging gets more and more frustrated but doesn't know how to either back off or negotiate.

How to fix it? Nagging can signify a power struggle, and a good relationship means both of you work together to meet each others' needs. Long-term nagging can destroy relationships, so it's important to work together to find out what is a reasonable request from each other. Work to improve communication and learn to ask for something clearly. Most importantly, learn to accept 'no' when your partner can't or won't oblige.