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Anorexia: the real story
The turning point
It was the turning point of a new year that prompted my recovery. I was offered a place at Cambridge University and was desperate to get there. For the first time I decided I had to try and fight the anorexia. I had been watching my life fall apart from the sidelines, almost as if I wasn't in my own body. Somewhere beneath the anorexia, there was another Grace and I wanted to get her back.
The first steps were practical ones; eating more of the foods I felt comfortable with, increasing my calorie intake slowly. It was a difficult process, but eventually I stopped losing weight and began to put it on. I went to Cambridge with my body weight repaired, but my self-image in pieces.
Fighting demons
I tried my hardest to silence the 24-7 voice that said, 'Not good enough, not thin enough, diet, exercise, be smaller'. In ignoring this, I seemed to be going against what every other woman was doing. The omnipresent images of thinness were hard to disregard. These weren't the catalysts for my anorexia, but they were, and are today, negative influences on self-esteem. They certainly make it harder for someone suffering from an eating disorder to recover. There was no size 0 when I was ill, but had there been, I would have had ample justification that my dying body was somehow normal.
By the end of university I was tired of my eating disorder dominating my life. I threw away my scales. I put down the diet magazines. Every time I uttered the words, 'I feel fat', I asked myself what I was really worried about. I switched my attention to something else more fulfilling.
Understanding the problem
Anorexia is not about nutrition or fashion, it is a mental health issue. It is so important that women (90 per cent of sufferers are female) believe in themselves and nurture their self-esteem to find value in qualities other than body shape.
Recovery is possible, even in this skinny-fit world, but it takes effort and time. Eating disorders need to be discussed instead of being closed up in shame and silence. Early awareness might help someone identify what they are feeling before it is too late.
Thin by Grace Bowman will be published by Penguin on 25 January 2007 and will be available to order from www.amazon.co.uk
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