Shape Up and shape down

Once I started the Challenge, I became obsessed over the following weeks. I wrote down everything I planned to eat the following day on the night before. Then the next day, if I hadn't written down a particular food, I didn't eat it. I counted calories, bought new digital bathroom and kitchen scales and weighed everything - I was learning.

The best news of all was that I started losing weight. I'd been on several diets over the past three years and I'd never lost weight before. But with the Challenge, I was eating all through the day and still having nice meals at night. Hubby and I also bought bikes and went out for a 16-mile ride - bad mistake - I had blisters in places where I had no right to have blisters.

All of these experiences I shared with my newfound friends on the board. We laughed and cried together. Some of us have exchanged instant messenger names and chat each night. Others of us have swapped mobile numbers and we text each other every day. This weekend I have two or three of the girls I met on the board coming to stay. Most importantly, I have learnt to carry the board around with me in my head. I log on each and every day without fail. Even if I don't post, I still read all the new ones. It's become so important to me to make sure certain girls are feeling okay or that others haven't left the board.

One day, however, the inevitable happened. Hubby and I had a row. I stomped off to town, really sulking. 'I'll show him,' I thought, 'I'll have a blow-out at McDonalds.' When I got there, it smelled atrocious, and I knew I couldn't do it. I walked over to M&S since they do a selection of quick-cook, feel-good meals. I got a basket and headed off to put together a huge comfort dinner. I picked up a steak pie and before I knew what I was doing, I'd read the label. Fat content was through the roof, as were the calories. I wanted to cry. I thought of all the folks on the boards, what they'd say when I'd confessed, how loving and forgiving they'd be. I couldn't let them down. I chose healthy foods and 'pigged out' on a meal of 400 calories. I hated every mouthful that night and felt so angry at the board - if I hadn't become a member, I could have eaten loads and nobody would have known. Of course, this was a silly way of thinking since I didn't have to tell anyone else. But, because we're all so honest with each other, I wouldn't have been able to keep it from them.