Our straight talking Lancashire lass takes a sideways look at the daily news.
Eating toes and testicles = Entertainment?
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It’s that time of year again where I try my very best to hide from the media phenomenon that is I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. I truly want to be one of those people who lives under a rock, so they don’t have to know about this horrible, horrible programme.
But thanks to the blanket media coverage, I can’t avoid it.
I now know that Tory MP Nadine Dorries abandoned her constituents so she could maximise her media exposure and communicate with the masses. Like many Tories, she’s getting her political message across via the medium of lightly poached bollocks. No change there, then…
I know that National Treasures Ant & Dec were unimpressed because Coronation Street actress Helen Flanagan refused to eat deep fried spider or camel toe (HAHAHA!! Camel toe! CAMEL TOE!!! GEDDIT!!!! Whoever thought of that one is a HILARIOUS genius). She did, however, chow down a range of delights such as ostrich anus, lamb testicles and a fermented duck egg. But it wasn’t good enough, and when Flanagan refused to lie inside a coffin full of lethally poisonous scorpions and tarantulas, Ant & Dec called for a ‘cow prod’. Okay, the scorpions and tarantulas might not be true, but the cow prod comment is. Because power corrupts, folks…
I really, really wish I didn’t know about the ‘Which bikinis gives the biggest career boost’ - a concept that the Daily Mail is salivating over right now. The obligatory waterfall shot where all celebrities can wash away the memories of eating animal eyeballs covered in kangaroo semen, whilst wearing really skimpy swimwear – just so we can get a good ogle at their boobs and abs, and judge them accordingly.
I hate this programme so much. I hate it with a passion. It represents everything that is wrong with society. The way that celebrities and politicians whore themselves simply to gain 15 extra minutes of notoriety. The way that they are thrown to Joe Public (who is a very cruel and stupid entity) and are made, no they CHOOSE to endure a hideous national popularity test. The disgusting tasks, the casual animal cruelty, the inanity of it all… it makes me want to throw up.
IACGMOH is the lowest common denominator. It debases all those who take part in it, and those who watch it. I feel like I’ve slipped into the Land of Idiocracy when it comes on TV – which I can (and do) turn over. But it’s the blanket coverage I can’t hack.
ITV, I have a better idea for you – it’s called ‘I’m Not A Celebrity! Sod Off!’
Meh.
