Etiquette of breaking up

We all know how painful break-ups can be, so when it's us doing the dumping we often try to minimise the pain with gentle hints and little white lies. But quite often our well-intentioned attempts to soften the blow only result in confusion, humiliation, and even greater pain to the dumpee.

These nine time-tested guidelines will help you through the messy business of ending a relationship...

1. Make up your mind

So many women announce the split and do the exhaustive post-mortem with their friends, only to confess to reconciliation several days later. By this time we've all heard about the man's horrible body odour and weird relationship with mother and other intimate, personal details we'd really rather not have to know about at all. In some cases this sort of flip-flopping takes place repeatedly, for years on end. Spare your friends, at least: don't announce it's over until you're absolutely sure.

2. Don't be silent

Sometimes women simply stop returning a man's calls, figuring that this signals her lack of interest. He might think your phone has broken, although this is highly unlikely and he will assume you're not interested. However it is a timid thing to avoid the phone. You should be able to speak to someone you dated and even went to bed with. Ignoring the incessant ring of the phone can also be more nerve-wracking and bothersome than just answering it and explaining to him that it's over. And, ultimately, it is just plain bad manners to blank another person.

3. Be clear

Some people favour vague lines such as 'I need some space,' and 'I need to be alone for a bit' when finishing a relationship. You might think that drawing out the end over time is a gentle way of letting him down. Instead, you'll be creating a more unpleasant and painful end. Don't give him hope. Be blunt. It's kinder.

4. Do your own dirty work

Don't try to force him to break up with you by becoming bitchy and unreasonable. Many women unhappy in their relationships start inventing absurd jealousies and complaints in an effort to push their boyfriend away. You may think this tactic lets you off the hook. In fact, it's cowardly. It draws out the inevitable, and creates bad vibes between you. Take responsibility for your dissatisfaction.