Exorcise your ex

Bogged down with break up baggage? Move on and embrace your life again with our six steps to getting that ex out of your head

He's left you and the pain is terrible. You feel you're dying - you can't stop weeping, you can't sleep and the thought of a future without him is horrifying. So what do you do when you just can't get your ex out of your head?

Step one: face it

The first and possibly the hardest thing to do is to accept that the relationship is really over. So, no more fantasies about him turning up on your doorstep. No more compulsively dialling 1471 in case he rung while you were in the bathroom. Every morning when you wake and every night before you go to sleep, however much it hurts, tell yourself 'It's over.' This doesn't mean you have to feel good about that fact. It will hurt. But if you can face the problem - a bit like an addict recovering from an addiction - you will get through the suffering.

Step two: feel it

Breaking up is similar to bereavement. You will feel unhappy because he's gone. You will feel angry because he's treated you badly. You will feel guilty because maybe you could have saved the relationship. Go with the flow of your feelings. Don't push them down.

If you're alone, then let it all hang out. Howl - with the radio on if your neighbours object to noise. Plough your way through a whole box of tissues. Hit cushions. If you have good friends, then let it all hang out to them. Tell them everything you feel, with tears and rage. Two warnings here - don't tell them anything that you wouldn't want them to remember afterwards, because they will. And do spread your grief around - expecting one single friend to take the brunt is a lot to expect.

If you need help desperately, do what lots of people do - and what I myself have done in times of need - and call The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.