'Failure teaches success' and other IVF clichés

By Liz, Womb For Improvement

Liz recently completed her third round of IVF; with crossed fingers she took her pregnancy test to find that she had been unsuccessful, after months and thousands of pounds spent hoping for the best she was at a loss. Here, Liz analyses some of the hackneyed clichés she has come to depend on, drawing conclusions that will influence the next steps in her quest to have a baby...

I’ve had trouble writing ever since the last failed IVF. Everything that I started came out full of hackneyed clichés (there is another one). Eventually I decided to embrace it. So here you go, post-IVF internal wranglings through the power of the cliché.

'If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.'

That was the obvious first thought. But what about if at third you don’t succeed?

'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.'

With three IVFs under my belt I do sometimes feel like I am teetering on the edge of sanity as it is. Is it worth trying again? Maybe IVF is never going to work and all I’ll get out of a fourth round is a little bit closer to the loony bin.

'Failure teaches success.'

Any management course I have ever been on stressed how failure should be seen as a positive thing, because next time you’ll nail it. I’m not sure that there is anything that I can learn from this failure. I didn’t do anything wrong, it just didn’t work. And having gone through it three times already I think my doctors have learnt all they can as well.

'Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.'

This pisses me off. I prepared as well as I could. I gave up alcohol, I took my vitamins, I did hypnotism for goodness sake!

'All good things come to those who wait.'

Nice idea. Maybe there is truth in this. But at 35, with five years of waiting behind me, I feel like I’ve done the waiting now. Because let’s face it...

...'Time and tide wait for no man.'

Or, to put it another way, the menopause waits for no woman.

'A fool and his money are soon parted.'

IVF isn’t cheap. That is an understatement, it is downright expensive, I’ve already spent thousands on it and another round will cost thousands more. I doubt my private doctors are going to turn down such a lucrative customer, so it is up to me to decide when to pull the plug. I keep wondering whether I am being foolish considering another go after such abject failure.

'Waste not want not.'

The one thing I have in my favour is eggs. And lots of them. In 2011 alone I have had 57 eggs retrieved. And they don’t show much sign of abating. With this many eggs I’ve got a chance, and I have to keep using them, until my supply is exhausted.

'Nothing ventured, nothing gained.'

Because, let’s face it, if I don’t keep trying to get pregnant then it won’t happen. Not least because when I’m not having fertility treatment I am supposed to be on the pill to stop my unhealthy womb-lining reappearing. So it scuppers any chance I might have of a surprise baby.

'The end justifies the means.'

If it does work I know that all the pain, heartache and money will swiftly be a distant memory. The end result will be all that matters.

'Wonders will never cease!'

There are thousands of success stories out there. Women who tried five, six, seven times with no joy and then, when they were on the point of giving up, they succeeded. Against all odds, I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, I’ll also be the woman who confounds medical science and becomes the bane of every other infertile’s life as their friends cite me as an example of why you should never give up.

'All’s well that ends well.'

I hope so. I really do.

Since 2008 Liz has kept an online record of her quest to conceive on her blog Womb For Improvement. Read more from Liz at Womb4improvement.blogspot.com