Susanne Remic is a primary school teacher, freelance writer and parenting blogger. She writes at Ghostwritermummy and Maternity Matters and in between all of that she regularly wins mummy of the year awards for running around after her two children, aged six and 19 months. This is her pregnancy blog: an online diary of her third pregnancy as she strives to overcome two difficult births, one angel child and one awkward toddler. Join Susanne as she shares every step of her journey from bump to baby!
Feeling happy
By Susanne Remic on 10 Nov 2011
The other day I stepped out onto my driveway with a school bag, lunch box and PE bag in one hand and a squirming toddler in the other. My mind was bursting with back-to-school nonsense, my eye was on the clock and my feet were dragging with a little bit of the winter blues.
It was cold, we had woken to darkness and Christmas - read that as maternity leave - was still a long way off. I should’ve felt a little bit despondent as my breath fogged in the still morning air, but instead I felt happy. So happy that I actually stopped and thought about this for a moment.
This time two years ago, I stepped onto the same driveway with the same number of bags but without a toddler pulling on my hand. Instead, he was tucked inside my belly. This time two years ago, I was blissfully unaware of the troubled path that lay ahead of us, and yet I do not think I was this happy then.
Is it true what they say, that you have to witness despair and darkness before you can truly appreciate what you have? I’m not sure it is, but I do know that it makes you a different person. I am more ready to accept life for all its flaws now. I am more willing to take the time to stop and listen to my children when they are ‘fussing’. I am much more likely to stop at times like this and remember just how lucky I am...and how happy.
I don’t know what will happen when this baby is born. I am sad that I will probably never know what it is like to give birth ‘naturally’ and hold my baby’s body close to mine straight away. But at the same time I am so happy.
I have another chance to be a mum. I am going to hold a precious newborn baby in my arms and I am going to expand my family. Another pair of sticky fingers to tug at my skirt. Another little soul to love more than life itself. That’s why I am feeling happy today.
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