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Are you dinner party savvy?
Several of my most embarrassing moments have occurred at the dinner table. Not at my own table, of course. I'm totally at home slurping soup or eating the occasional cooked carrot with my fingers.
The slightly mortifying instances I'm thinking of actually took place at tables populated by strangers. Once, at a business lunch, my inept knifework sent a chicken breast flying across the room. Another time, halfway through dinner with my boyfriend's humourless parents, I realised with horror that I had plunged into the lobster bisque with my dainty dessertspoon. These, of course, were the moments when I dearly wished I'd paid closer attention to my mother's interminable lectures on table manners. She came from the overkill school of etiquette, seizing any opportunity to deliver a diatribe on deportment. As a child, I was too preoccupied by what was going on under the table (the nightly routine of kicking my sister or dropping scraps of undesirable food for the cat) to absorb many of her impassioned lessons.
I'm sure I'm not the only adult who has had occasion to second-guess her manners at a formal sit-down dinner. Even the most poised socialite has broken into a cold sweat at a stuffy business function. Who wouldn't feel slightly disconcerted after realising, halfway through the meal, she's been sipping steadily from her boss's water glass?
Since I can't bear to indulge my mother in the table manners refresher course she'd so love to conduct, I checked in with another expert, Ivor Spencer, founder of the Ivor Spencer School for Butlers in London. His insider tips below on how to navigate parties with aplomb are based on twenty years in the finest, most proper dining rooms in the world. And while you probably won't ever be having tea with the Queen, you'll be poised enough to take on any dining dilemma.
- Don't make a mad dash for the most appealing seat in the house, says Spencer. Wait for your host to show you to a chair. Stand until your host is seated, which is your cue to sit down.
- Put your napkin on your lap as soon as you sit down. 'Don't wait for the butler or the waiter to do it for you. You should be the only one who touches your napkin,' says Spencer.
- No matter how delicious the food looks, don't dig in until everyone is served. The French are the only ones allowed to ditch this rule. At some hoity-toity Parisian dinner dos, you may be asked to start eating as soon as you are served.
- Make an effort to converse with guests on either side of you. Ideally, you will have had a chance to establish some common ground during a cocktail hour, but even if you can't find substantial topics that interest both parties, it's churlish not to try and make conversation.
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