Getting settled with a new baby

Something amazing has happened this week. Something we have been waiting for but wondering if it would ever come. Something every new parent hopes for. Our baby slept through the night!

That’s right. He actually slept from midnight through to the morning without waking for a feed or comfort. He has done this maybe once or twice in the past but always gone straight back to waking several times a night the following day. But not so this week. We may have finally cracked it.

Sunday night he slept for seven hours. Monday was the same. Tuesday he woke at 4am, but only for half an hour. And then Wednesday he was back to five hours in a row. I hope tonight it increases to six. Is that asking too much?

He is 11 weeks old now and has always been very unsettled. He never seemed to sleep, even having as little as eight hours in a 24-hour period. To say that my husband and I were sleep deprived is an understatement. We were like walking zombies some days. And we were grumpier than we have ever known each other to be. Life seemed so much harder for that lack of sleep.

And it wasn’t just because he didn’t sleep. He was also very unsettled when awake, wanting constant comfort and going from a smiling baby to a screaming one within seconds on more than one occasion. We went back and forwards to the doctor worrying that his congested nose or colic were somehow caused by something we were doing.

Again and again we were reassured that he was fine and that it is just something babies have to deal with. And yet this sudden improvement in both his sleeping habits and mood seems to coincide with our decision to switch from exclusive breastfeeding to combination feeding. Which makes me wonder, was my determination to keep breastfeeding despite all the difficulty really the best thing for us both?

I wrote about breastfeeding a few weeks ago and how I felt a woman has the choice to feed her baby in whatever way is best for her and her baby. At the time of writing that I had been enjoying breastfeeding so much that it was the right choice for us. But then things started to change.

I began getting blocked milk ducts several times a week. Not only was I in terrible pain until each duct cleared, Oscar was also fussing a whole lot more than usual. We had always had some issues feeding because I seem to have a very forceful letdown which he often struggles to deal with. But now he also had to deal with sucking on a breast for several feeds and not getting anything out of it. 

We began supplementing with formula at those times when the blockage wouldn’t clear and it was pretty obvious that he was quite happy taking it from a bottle. But still I didn’t want to give up. For me breastfeeding was a chance to enjoy my body doing what it should. After years of dealing with difficult periods with Endometriosis and then having a terrible pregnancy thanks to Hyperemesis Gravidarum and Cholestasis, it felt so wonderful that my body was providing what it should for my baby.

So I threw myself into research and found that I was struggling with oversupply, that is my breasts were producing more milk than my baby was really needing and taking. It explained so much from how stressed Oscar sometimes got when feeding because my flow when stimulated was so fast and strong, right through to how often I was getting blocked ducts. I was shocked when reading the descriptions as it was just like reading what someone had written about us personally. 

So I researched some more, finding as much information as I could to help me deal with this issue and hopefully return to a happy breastfeeding experience. And initially it seemed to be working. But then things got worse again, so much worse, and I found that I was in so much pain and Oscar was so distressed when feeding, that our relationship was suffering.

That was when I decided enough was enough. No matter how many benefits breastfeeding gave us,  if it was negatively affecting us so much that we both spent most feeds in tears despite my best efforts to deal with the issue at hand then we had to call it quits. I felt incredibly sad about the decision, but so relieved as well. 

We are still in the process of weaning him off the breast and on to formula. And he is like a completely different baby. Not only does he sleep better at night, but his colic has all but disappeared, his congestion is slowly easing up, and he is just so much calmer and happier throughout the day. And I have only had one blocked duct in two weeks!

We’re taking it slowly to avoid too many blocked ducts and mastitis and I do hope that we may be able to keep a couple of feeds per day so that we can start and end our days with a bit of snuggling as I breastfeed. But I know that this was the best decision I ever made. I enjoy feeding him again and instead of gasping and choking on a flow that is too fast for him, he now calmly takes milk at his own pace from a bottle. 

These first three months have been so challenging for us all but my husband and I finally feel like we have found our feet and are becoming more and more sure of ourselves in our new roles as parents. And Oscar is smiling so regularly these days that I feel safe in saying that he is feeling much more content these days too.  

And this just reminds me that no matter what you choose in terms of parenting styles, the best choice for you is the one that makes each member of the family happy, healthy and confident. By all means read as many books as you can and ask for all the advice you can get (I cannot tell you how much of this I have done personally), but remember that at the end of the day you know yourself and your baby better than anyone and you will ultimately make the right decision for you both.