Our straight talking Lancashire lass takes a sideways look at the daily news.
Happiness is the secret to long life
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Ever heard the story of the millionaire octogenarian with the busty, blonde 20-something wife? He died of a heart attack during a marathon sex session. But as they say, at least he died happy.
But you don’t need awesome sugar-daddy or toy-boy sex to keep young, apparently just being happy is enough to give you a long life.
A new study has shown that people of a happy disposition are 35% more likely to live longer than their sullen counterparts. Although that’s not to say that being miserable will make your life shorter, just being happy makes it longer. Confusing? Yes. That’s why we leave those things to the scientists.
But how do you keep happy? There is no general Joy Prescription to live by - it’s all a matter of personal preference.
After all, it was Ghengis Khan who said: “Happiness lies in conquering one’s enemies, in driving them in front of oneself, in taking their property, in savouring their despair, in outraging their wives and daughters.” He certainly did a lot to lift his mood, and he lived to a ripe old age. And, funnily enough, his miserable contemporaries had their lives (and limbs) cut very short indeed. Maybe this research has legs?
But warmongering isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. The other side of the spectrum is the happy clappy nonsense like Laughter Workshops where people pay through the nose to fake-laugh their way to Nirvana. I don’t know which option is worse to be honest.
This research brought David Cameron to mind. He’s such a trendy hippy. He’s as hot on measuring national cheerfulness as he is hugging hoodies. Although I sincerely hope he isn’t thinking of creating a Ministry of Happiness – I can’t think of anything more sinister.
It may sound far fetched, but the announcement of his compulsory ‘Happiness Survey’ made the hairs on my head stand on end. Would being monitored for happiness make you happy? It would hack me right off.
Research like this makes me heave. It’s smug and self-satisfying, and I’m convinced it doesn’t take into account grumpy cynics like me who revel in being cantankerous. Petty victories give me great joy, moaning about my neighbours lifts my spirit and shouting at drivers really floats my boat. And frankly I would rather work as a quality controller for cat food than attend a Laughing Yoga workshop.
And if I cark it in my 50s, then at least I did it my way. Humph.
Take the iVillage UK Happiness Test to figure out how long you’ve got left on Earth*
*Not really.
