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When your man's got the blues

Susan Quilliam outlines what to do if your partner suffers from depression

Depression is almost twice as common in women than in men. However, men suffering from depression are more likely to deny the symptoms, fight shy of treatment, try to cope by drinking too much, end up with a heart attack and be up to four times more likely to kill themselves. These reactions to depression may make it hard for you to even spot that your man is depressed and, if you do, you'll need to handle the problem in a way that may seem counter to your natural instincts.

What causes depression?
Physical factors
Giving birth, life-threatening surgery, a bad dose of the flu and poor nutrition are all physical factors that are linked to depression. Hormone imbalances will make both men and women feel vulnerable, but there's a difference. Women's hormonal triggers for depression are likely to strike at specific times - e.g. before a period, after giving birth. Your man is more likely to suffer because of an ongoing hormonal imbalance. So you may have miserable days or weeks, but he may have miserable months or years.

Emotional factors
Life events such as bereavement, the breakdown of a relationship, feeling socially isolated and feeling unable to communicate with a partner or family can trigger depression and make people feel helpless and hopeless about life. Again, men and women react differently: men are more likely than women to feel down about life events tied up with success, such as job loss and financial problems, as society has a higher expectation of men to be successful than women.

As someone who is expected, in society's terms, to 'protect his loved ones' he's likely to feel depressed by disasters that he feels he should have or could have prevented. For example, if his mother dies, you are attacked or one of the children gets ill, he may well tip into depression, not just because something awful has happened, but also because he feels he should have prevented it.

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