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When your man's got the blues
continued from page 2
Men are particularly wary of admitting they have a problem and are likely to be particularly suspicious of counselling because they won't believe it can help. Sure, it's a cliche to say that men won't discuss their feelings, but for many men the cliche's true. They want to fix things, not talk about things.
Instead, your man is more likely to be interested in the solutions offered by medication, because then he can see himself as having a physical condition - which isn't his fault - rather than a mental illness with the associated stigma.
Ten things you can do
Men are particularly wary of admitting they have a problem and are likely to be particularly suspicious of counselling because they won't believe it can help. Sure, it's a cliche to say that men won't discuss their feelings, but for many men the cliche's true. They want to fix things, not talk about things.
Instead, your man is more likely to be interested in the solutions offered by medication, because then he can see himself as having a physical condition - which isn't his fault - rather than a mental illness with the associated stigma.
Ten things you can do
- Recognise that your man's version of depression may differ from yours. Respect his ways of coping with desperation and hopelessness and support him.
- Don't be surprised if he feels down without any obvious cause - like you, he can be affected by his hormones. If he's suffered a series of life blows, watch out for depression even if he tells you he's coping.
- There's no excuse for addictions or violence - but if your man becomes extremely irritated or has bursts of frenetic but pointless activity, then be sympathetic; this might be depression rather than sheer awkwardness.
- Watch out for his trying to cope by denying the problem - shrugging off obviously worrying symptoms or refusing to talk. Be patient and don't put pressure on him; but if he wants to confide, listen sympathetically and without blame.
- Go for 'male' rather than 'female' solutions. Don't push him to 'open up about his feelings', but treat his mood as a practical problem that needs to be solved.
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