Stress management: Kiss goodbye to daily stress!

1. Make complete lists of your income (any wage, earnings, benefits) and also a total list of outgoings (rent, travel, food, clothing, utilities, etc.). From this you should plan your budget and where, if necessary, you need to cut back your spending. If you can't pay a bill contact the company - do NOT ignore letters demanding payment.
2. If things have spun out of control see your bank manager or a non-profit debt counsellor (in yellow pages) for advice. Do NOT sign up for a debt scheme that takes over your payments, often at huge interest rates.
3. As with food and feelings, many women use spending to soothe away stress. However, the stress comes back magnified when they start building up debt. If you're tempted to go shopping to give yourself a 'lift', then find a substitute and free activity to get a boost. Sport, hobbies, meeting up with friends, etc.
4. Don't hide debt worries from friends and family. They should know you can't afford to go out or are struggling with debt. Putting on a 'front' will make the stress worse.

For more information and advice, contact the Consumer Credit Counselling Service - 0800-138-1111.

Relationship stress
Unresolved stress in your relationship can upset it, leaving you both unhappy, or even lead to break-ups. One study found couples cited general 'stress' in 40 per cent of break-ups.

1. Don't let small things build up into bigger issues. In a caring way, raise issues as they arise.
2. Choose a moment when you're NOT stressed to raise things. Ensure you have adequate time to discuss what's on your mind.
3. Before raising the stressful issue, let your partner know how well another area of your relationship is going. Starting with a positive will uplift the whole discussion.
4. Monitor your voice. Is it starting to rise with stress? If so, take a breath and consciously lower it to a calming tone that will help generate a better feeling.
5. Ask your partner their thoughts on the matter and if they have any issues they want to raise.
6. Recognise the 'battles' that count. Think through what really matters to you. If you can let it go - then do so. If you can't and it's causing you stress then sort it out.

For more information and advice, contact Relate Couples Couselling - 0845-130-4016.

Parenting stress
Stress affects parents in two main ways. First, the general grind of raising children in our society is incredibly stressful with multiple demands on parents. Second, between parents themselves when they can't agree on how to 'parent'.

1. Talk about your general parenting styles. Keep this discussion light. Perhaps one of you is a strict disciplinarian and the other is more laid-back.
2. Once your styles are explored, discuss how one style might best suit certain issues with your children and the other might benefit other issues. Reinforce that one style (unless very extreme) isn't necessarily better and together you'll use the best of both.
3. Don't turn one parent into the 'baddie' who does all the disciplining. You should both be able to set boundaries and carry through with discipline if necessary.
4. It's easy to lose sight of the wonder of watching your children grow. Time passes quickly and they move from babyhood to toddlerhood, and then adolescence, in the blink of an eye. Forget some of the daily 'stuff' like tidying and sit down and enjoy them. Marvel at the things they say and do.
5. When feeling stressed and your child's fussing, think about what really needs to be done. You need to sit down, take those all-important deep breaths, give your child a hug and reassure you both that all will be OK.
6. Trust your instincts about what your child needs. If, for example, you think they need some naptime but it's not 'time' for their nap according to your routine then be a little flexible. Parents get terribly stressed as a slave to routine when sometimes flexibility is called for.
7. Finally, children are important and they should be part of your daily interactions with your partner but don't forget your selves and your needs in this process.

For more information and advice, contact Parentline plus - 0808-800-2222.

Solutions Coach and psychologist Dr Pam Spurr is the author of Sex, Guys & Chocolate - Your Essential Guide To Lust, Love & Life (Robson Books)