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  |  General Health  |  Mental Health  |  Fighting teen depression
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Fighting teen depression

iVillager, harriet, from the depression message board, tells the moving story of how she fought teenage depression and won

From childhood, I had always been a very quiet and unhappy person with a very low self-esteem and general lack of confidence. I didn't know any better, so I just thought that was the way I was. So, I never told anyone - I just bottled it all up. I've never had any reason to be depressed because my life has been relatively trouble-free and straightforward - often, I felt depressed for no reason. But at the age of 14, I came to a point where I could no longer cope. To make matters worse, my hormones were all over the place and I was a complete mess inside. It got so bad that I started to self-harm. I was so ashamed of myself for doing this and I was actually frightened of myself because I didn't know how far I'd go each time. I couldn't wear anything that would show the marks on my arms, so I always wore long sleeves, even in the summer.

I continued to self-harm for two years and managed to keep it a secret. I got more and more depressed to the point where I wouldn't even leave the house. I had no will to live anymore - I used to lie in bed in my black hole, crying all the time. I just felt so empty and lonely and wanted to put myself out of my misery by killing myself. The only reason I didn't was because I didn't want to upset my family and friends.

At first I just pretended to feel unwell and ended up missing loads of school, including my actual GCSE exams. Then I did become physically ill - my body was really weak, I was hardly eating and I suffered from insomnia.
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This iVillage Health service area is designed for educational purposes only. You should not rely on this information as a substitute for personal medical attention, diagnosis or hands-on treatment. If you are concerned about your health or that of a child, please consult your family's health provider immediately and do not wait for a response from our professionals. For the full Disclaimer, click here.
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