Gossip can harm your soul

1. Set your boundaries early when someone starts gossiping. Say something clear like, 'I don't really want to get involved in someone else's business' and suggest an alternative topic of conversation.
2. Use a clear and confident tone of voice so the 'gossip' understands you don't want to be drawn in. This is a perfect example where being assertive works well.
3. If in the middle of a conversation someone starts gossiping simply refuse to be drawn into it.
4. If you hear others around you gossiping you don't have to give credence to their gossip by getting involved.
5. If you hear gossip that's untrue, set the record straight. Tell the gossips you know that what they're saying is untrue. Again done with a confident and clear tone you get your message across in the best possible way.
6. Check yourself - it's easy to let a conversation slip into the realms of gossip. Put yourself in the person's shoes that you're talking about - how would you feel if you were she? Would you be happy to be discussed like this? Is it something you'd say to their face? That's always a good mark of where to draw the line.

What to do if you're the victim of gossip

1. Depending on the nature of the gossip sometimes the best policy is 'the least said the soonest mended'. Only you can judge if some gossip about you, your life, work or relationships is worth facing head-on. If appropriate then 'letting it go' and moving on could be the best solution all round. It shows that you're not prepared to make a mountain out of a molehill, not interested in general gossip and in getting involved in it, and have enough self-confidence that you don't mind friendly, non-malicious gossip.
2. Deciding whether or not a gossip/group of gossips are worth facing depends on a number of factors. Factors like whether or not the gossip was malicious, whether it's completely unfounded, whether it's 'self-contained', and most importantly whether or not it's hurt, upset or angered you. Consider these factors before taking action. Consideration will help you judge accurately and then plan action if necessary.
3. If you decide to take action then planning is crucial for your success and well-being. Get your facts straight on the gossip you've been told about. Write these down if it's helpful. For example, you might want to make notes on who told you, when they told you, and what they told you about the gossip involving you. Although you may feel deeply hurt, when confronting the gossips it's important to be calm.
4. Now you can plan what you want to say about it. Practise what you plan to say, as rehearsing gives you the confidence to tackle the gossips in the most beneficial way.
5. In the most serious cases of work gossip you should go to your manager or human-resources department to discuss it rather than tackling it on your own. Again, this is a personal decision and only you can decide whether the gossip is of such a serious nature that it should be handled by management.
6. Whichever way you decide to tackle it, you must never forget that you have every right not to be gossiped about and certainly not in a malicious or harmful way. Every person should be treated with respect both at work and within their peer group.

Useful contacts ACAS helpline - employment issues like bullying/harassment 0845-747-4747. Or check out their website

Solutions Coach and psychologist Dr Pam Spurr is the author of Sex, Guys & Chocolate - Your Essential Guide To Lust, Love & Life (Robson Books)