Learn to let go of past pain!

• 4. Visualise
  Using visual techniques to change our feelings can be helpful. To help draw a line under the past, take a moment to close your eyes and visualise yourself as two separate people: the 'old you' and the 'new you'. Add detail into your visualisation. For example, place the 'old you' in a grey landscape and 'new you' in a bright and colourful landscape surrounded by vibrant plants and animals. Recall this visualisation daily, to help you to continue to draw that line between the past and the present.
• 5. No longer rose-coloured
  It's time to take off your rose-coloured spectacles and make a list of the negatives about the person or experience that has caused you long-held pain. Staying with the example of the cheating first boyfriend, your list might include: anyone who cheats on you is not worth wasting your feelings over now; he wasn't such a catch after all as he drank too much and could be boring; when you were dating he never did anything romantic. Once you have this list written out, keep it close to hand as a reminder that this past experience/person is not worthy of your time, attention or feelings now.
• 6. Find forgiveness
  The flip-side to being unable to let go of past pain and hurt is being able to find forgiveness. A key element of this is to recognise that being 'right' is not as important as being happy. Some people get stuck with anger over a past event because they feel they were 'right', the other person was 'wrong', and the other person hasn't taken responsibility for this. It can be good for your well-being to decide that letting go of being 'right' can lead to greater happiness.
• 7. Build positive bridges
  Another aspect of this issue of wanting some resolution with a person who has caused you pain is to make the first move. Be the first to build bridges by contacting them and putting your hand on your heart and saying you want to make amends.
• 8. Saying sorry
  Past pain that affects you now can be as much to do with your own behaviour as the way someone else has treated you. In this case take the opportunity to say sorry to the person that you may have hurt. This demonstrates that you can grow as person and hopefully they'll accept this apology in the positive spirit it's offered.

Helpful contacts
If your hurt, pain or anger is the result of a bereavement get in touch with Cruse - 0870-167-1677
For dealing with angry feelings contact Anger Management - 0845-1300-286 www.angermanage.co.uk
Some Relate counsellors see individuals in the aftermath of a break-up to help resolve difficult feelings - Relate Couselling - 0845-130-4016

Your doctor's surgery may have a counselling service available where you can talk through the past issue that troubles you Solutions Coach and psychologist Dr Pam Spurr is the author of Sex, Guys & Chocolate - Your Essential Guide To Lust, Love & Life (Robson Books)