New Year's resolutions, a new approach

Every year it's the same, we start out with the best of intentions, but halfway through January we're full of self-loathing because all our resolutions have fallen by the wayside. Yet still we keep making them, year in, year out. This year it's time to break the cycle of failure and make a different type of resolution: to make choices that inspire you.

Traditional New Year's resolutions tend focus on negative perceptions of ourselves, putting a stop to habits we're unhappy with, like drinking, smoking or over-eating. While logically we may want to stop doing these things, there's a part of us that still enjoys that behaviour, so the resolutions feel like punishment.

We become locked in a vicious cycle of having our mind acting like a punitive authority figure to the emotional part of ourselves that then behaves like a rebellious child. Because our emotional drives come from a less conscious, and therefore less controllable part of ourselves, the rebel wins the game most of the time. When that happens, we're flooded with feelings of remorse and self-hatred, so the cycle of self-punishment and rebellion starts all over again.

The problem doesn't lie in the resolutions themselves, but in the way they're interpreted. If you feel like your resolutions are taking something away from you, then they're ultimately doomed to failure and will make you feel bad about yourself for not being able to fulfil your own promises.

So, to make changes in your life that will actually work, you need to find a positive focus that will keep you going through all the trials and temptations that life throws at you. Nothing, not even the naughtiest inner child, is stronger than a powerful vision of your future.

To harness that motivating force, your choices must support that guiding vision for your life in ways that are kind and loving to you. If weight's an issue, then your vision needs to be about how great your life will be when you're at your perfect weight, rather than the hard work involved in getting there. You need to be inspired by how you'll feel when weight is no longer a concern - on how much energy, good health, fun and self-confidence that will bring. Focusing on the deprivation of dieting won't engage the sense of well-being or enjoyment that will carry you through the days when temptation rears its ugly head in the form of a Jam doughnut.

Three-step process for setting positive resolutions that get results:

• build a powerful vision
• make a plan that's strong on self-loving choices
• take consistent action every day to support that action

Your vision needs to be so clear you can almost taste it. To be inspired, you'll want to create a vision of a life you can be passionate about, that makes your heart sing when you think about it. The trick is to ask yourself the simple question, 'What do I want more of in my life?' Don't try to overdo it, so focus on no more than three areas of your life to work on initially.

The plan will only come together if you're absolutely dedicated to making positive choices. Remember, in this instance, if there's pain, there will be no gain. Sometimes it's even more effective not to confront a compulsive habit head-on, but to strengthen other areas of your life so that the unwanted habit can begin to fall away. Let's say your main vision is for vibrant good health and for this you choose to let go of the smoking habit. One way to approach this could be by putting your focus on the kind of exercise you enjoy, so that over time you'll find your desire to smoke reduces because you can feel how much it holds you back.

When it comes to action, it's the small, everyday choices you make that take you closer to your goal. Use your vision to inspire you so that when you're tempted to stray from your life-affirming choices, you can remind yourself what it is that you really want from life.

Feel free, fit and fabulous in 2007 by making positive choices for the New Year, not punishing resolutions.

Alison Porter, aka Coach Fabulous, is a life coach who specialises in helping professional people find their passion in life. Her coaching website www.iamfabulous.co.uk sees her play agony aunt to the general public, but if you want her undivided attention you can also make an appointment by emailing coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk