Clare's stop smoking diary

Week 1: I am, therefore I smoke

My name is Clare Spurrell and I am an addict. My problem is cigarettes, lots of them, about 20 or more on a bad day, but 2007 is the year I'm going to kick the habit for good.

Have your say on Clare's stop smoking progress and share your own stories, experiences and advice.

I remember when I tried my first cigarette. I was probably about 10 and it was one of my granny's Consulate menthol cigarettes. I was in her small, perfumed bathroom in Scotland with the widow open.

I continued to try them on and off from that point and I've been a dedicated smoker for the last 13 years. However, I'm now approaching 30 and I want a clean bill of health as well as a head start on the new anti-smoking legislation that will ban smoking in public places in the UK in the summer.

2nd January 2007 - Quit Day

I woke up this morning and lit a cigarette, not something I usually do I must admit, but today I am going to Allen Carr's Easyway treatment day. Although I have been preparing mentally for this day for a couple of months now, suddenly I am no longer feeling so confident. So I smoke, a lot...

I arrive at the 'clinic', it's a bit like a doctors surgery, and I am lead into a room where 13 other equally terrified looking people are sitting around on comfy floral reclining chairs. I meet Chris, the man who is apparently going to make me quit. He doesn't look tough enough. I wonder how he will look wrestling me to the ground while attempting to pry cigarettes from my clenched fists. I'd win, hands down.

Chris begins to dispel many of the myths that I had assumed were true about my addiction to the evil weed. He says: 'We avoid using the term "giving up". There is nothing to give up. There is no pleasure or benefit to smoking.'

I realise my previous efforts to quit were bound to fail because I relied on will power alone. I understand that I need to change my attitude to smoking cigarettes, but in some ways all this sounds too simple, and in others too hard.

I am not alone, during the frequent cigarette breaks that punctuate the session my fellow wannabe non-smokers strongly debate Chris, and Allen Carr. 'I don't feel any different,' claims one. 'I don't think its working,' another says. I agree. As the day goes on, I start to wonder when exactly this miracle that everyone goes on about will happen to me. The course boasts a 90 per cent success rate. Trust me to fall into the latter 10 per cent!

We smoke our final cigarette. It's a bit of a ritual. I concentrate on the finality of the moment, but there is a little voice in my head still saying 'yeah, riiiiight.' We have to put our cigarettes in a big, black bin. I am wondering if I can sneak them back out again without Chris or any of the others noticing.

I leave. I don't smoke. I get the train and, as Chris requested I do the final task of recording what I remember about being a smoker, because apparently I am now a happy non-smoker.

Here is what I remember about smoking:

1. Waking up in the middle of the night short of breath
2. Standing alone in the cold at my parents' home or outside work, the only smoker in my family and in my office
3. A cough that would not go
4. Lethargy and tiredness
5. Feeling ten times worse after a heavy night because my lungs hurt from the amount of cigarettes I had smoked
6. Ash stains on my carpet of my new flat, plus a smell of cigarettes in my new furniture
7. Having bad breath
8. Smelling of cigarettes around Lily Mei, my four-month-old niece. Feeling dirty and impure
9. Having bad and congested skin
10. Being self-conscious around non-smokers and children

I go home, I don't smoke. I keep thinking 'any moment now, I am going to have to have a cigarette.' But that moment isn't coming. Have I been assimilated? I go to bed, cigarette-free! Something strange is happening. I am cautiously excited.

Don't forget to come back next week to see how Clare is getting on! In the meantime why not visit the Stop Smoking Message Board?