A journey through breast cancer

iVillager Jackie Thompson discovered her breast cancer by accident. Here she describes the diagnosis and how she and her family have coped

I found the lump in my breast quite by accident at the end of November 2003. I was dressing in the gym when my arm brushed over a lump in my left breast. I was referred to my local breast clinic on what is called 'the two week rule': this is to fast track anyone presenting with suspicious symptoms, in order to get a speedy diagnosis.

• The waiting game
• The diagnosis
• The Christmas before treatment
• The first chemotherapy
• What's happened with my family
• Moving on
• Keeping my spirits up

The waiting game
At the clinic I had a mammogram and ultrasound scan, then a doctor tried to aspirate the lump - draw liquid from it. But there was no liquid to draw. Next followed three biopsies. After that I had to wait eight days for the diagnosis.

I can tell you the waiting was very hard. I alternated two scenarios in my head - in one, I was in the doctor's room, being told everything was fine, the lump was benign and I could leave it in there or choose to have it removed, the other scenario was much more sinister, and was the one that was most accurate. I knew as soon as the doctor and two nurses entered the room what the result would be.

The diagnosis
The diagnosis was as I expected: I had cancer. I was told that the tumour was grade three. This is high grade - in other words, large. Mine was actually four-and-a-half centimetres. It's actually hard to describe what I felt. I was completely numb and felt almost bewildered. I was told then what the treatment plan was: chemotherapy first administered every three weeks for six sessions to try to shrink the lump, and also to try to avoid a mastectomy. A lumpectomy is a much kinder operation, followed by the surgery and then radiotherapy. To be honest, at this point I did not care about my breast at all. If they'd told me they needed to take both breasts and a leg I would have agreed - I just wanted to live long enough so that my grandson would really know me.

The Christmas before treatment
Immediately after this discussion, I saw an oncologist who sent me for a chest wall x-ray the same day. All this was on the 17 December, 2003. I was told treatment couldn't begin until the new year because of the holiday period. You can imagine what Christmas was like that year. I was terrified of the chemotherapy. I went out with my friends and daughters to the local pub on Christmas Eve and looked around me, not able to understand why everyone seemed so happy while I felt dreadful. I felt as though I was on the outside of life looking in.

I think the three weeks between diagnosis and the start of treatment were the worst. I was in limbo - knowing I was ill and not fighting it at that point. Imagination is a powerful thing, and I imagined the cancer running riot through my body. I can tell you I lost plenty of weight in that period.