In love but don't want to make love?

Take supplements
Viagra is not licensed for women – research has yet to clarify its safety. But there are natural alternatives. Ginkgo biloba may increase blood flow to the sexual organs, which heightens excitability and makes orgasms more intense. Siberian ginseng can help you cope with the other pressures life throws at you, so you feel less stressed and more able to switch off and have sex. And Herbal v-X, (£19.95 from health food shops) is a combination of herbs that studies suggest increases sexual satisfaction in women.

Please note: don’t self-medicate with herbs if you are pregnant, have high blood pressure, are on prescription drugs or have a chronic condition.

Talk about it
Sex therapists agree that it is more important for women to talk about sex than men: ‘with women, the brain is the biggest erogenous zone,’ says Knowles, ‘and anger is a powerful libido dampener.’ Feeling responsible for everything at home, even if you’re not actually doing all the housework, can lead to a cycle of feeling cross followed by withdrawal. Sometimes, we’re not even aware that we’re doing it. ‘But if you can’t feel, you can’t do anything else that begins with F,’ quips Knowles.

Self-reflection is a great place to start on working out issues, but also see Susan Quilliam’s book Love Coach (Thorsons, £6.99). Tricky issues may benefit from counselling or psychosexual therapy, which has a high success rate – 80 per cent of couples that go to Relate sexual counselling report improved sexual relations two years later. See your local Yellow Pages or www.relate.org.uk for details.