Dear Dr Patti
I'm 31, female and have been married for almost 10 years. I can honestly say that my husband and I are still in love. The only thing that bothers me is my asthma, which I developed about three years ago. We used to have sex almost daily, but I can't do that any more as I'm always wheezing and short of breath. Sometimes we even have to stop during sex because I need my inhaler. My husband is not complaining and tells me that it doesn't matter, but how can I have sex without having an asthma attack?
N

answer

Dear N

Breathing is a key part of the sexual process, so it's no surprise that this condition is disturbing you on so many levels. The physical strain alone can quell any sexual desire you may have, and the fear of having another asthma attack - or actually having to reach over to grab the inhaler - can put a damper on even a gentle romp.

My first suggestion is to have a conversation with your GP about asthma triggers and about your medication. Emotion (be it positive such as excitement, or negative such as anxiety or anger) can be a potent trigger. Exercise is also a trigger for some people, so on the face of it, a fun sex life and asthma aren't natural companions. But this needn't be the case. Allergy is another common trigger, especially house dust mite allergy, and it could be that your bedding and bedroom furnishings aren't asthma friendly. You should have synthetic, non-feather pillows and duvet, with no eiderdowns or candlewick bedcovers. You could also try a mattress cover that limits house dust mite. If your bedroom contains lots of fluffy cushions and toys, banish them to the spare room.

You may need to have a second type of inhaler. You only mention one type, and that seems to be a blue 'reliever' type. A steroid 'preventer' could help to stop many of the asthma attacks that you are getting at the moment. Your doctor can advise you about this and about other asthma treatments. The aim of good asthma treatment is to reduce the frequency and severity of episodes and to minimize the impact of asthma on the patient's daily life.

My second suggestion is to take it easy until your mind and body catch up with the 'new you'. You may have to go more slowly until the asthma is under better control. Make sure, with your doctor's permission, that you keep fit, concentrating on building strength and stamina. Sex takes work, energy and plenty of physical exertion for even the slightest hiccup of an orgasm to occur.

Try adjusting your sexual style slightly to accommodate any lingering limitations. Tie a black lace ribbon around your inhaler as an erotic reminder. Together with your husband, find new ways to create and share sensual, as well as sexual, touch. A candle-lit bubble bath can set the scene for intimacy. Rubbing each other with massage oils can relieve tension, take your mind off your limitations and let you both enjoy intimacy. Finally, taking time, before physically having sex, will help you avoid the problems you have been experiencing.

ivillage uk

Asthma is leaving sex life gasping for air