Help me turn my shy guy into my fantasy policeman!
Dear Dr. Pam,
My fiance is what you'd call a quiet guy, and he's the kindest person I've ever met. It's a case of ‘opposites attracting’ between us because I'm definitely the outgoing one.
The thing is, he has a great body and I’ve got this big fantasy of him dressing up as a policeman. It’d be such turn on if he’d arrest me and we’d have amazing '50 Shades' type of sex with him playing out that role.
I think about it all the time and know I would have the best sex ever if I could pretend my hot man was a policeman. It's got to the point where I've hinted at it, but he hasn't taken me up on it.
I'm not sure if he’s embarrassed to try it because of his personality -- or if he just hasn't gotten the hint! How can I approach him with this so I get my evil way with him? I want this to be fun not an ordeal for him.
Dear 'Arresting fantasy',
Don't be fooled -- sometimes the quiet types are thinking all sorts of naughty things that they'd love to share with their partner but may not have the confidence to. Being quiet and a bit shy doesn't mean they don't have a fantasy life, too.
He may just turn out to be ready, willing and able to play out a policeman fantasy for you. But you don't want to frighten him off by throwing a policeman's uniform onto the bed while saying, 'Come on babe, pretend I'm a criminal who needs some punishing!'
That approach may be a little too much, so take it one step at a time. The next time you're having sex, whisper in his ear that you love his gorgeous body -- really boost his confidence.
Then the next time after that, you could mention again how gorgeous his body is plus how you’ve had this little 'thought' (don’t tell him it’s a full-on red-hot fantasy) about how sexy he'd look dressed as a policeman. Gauge his response. If he looks like he wants to hear more, then tell him in lots of delicious detail about your fantasy.
You say you want to take it into 50 Shades territory -- and with your fantasy, that's easily done. If he's up for it, you can use handcuffs, tethers and spanking paddles for disciplining you for your 'bad behaviour'. He'll have to be a masterful policeman to get you in line.
As with introducing any fantasy, a slow approach works best. Test the waters before turning it into an actual role-play with all the gear that goes with it.
If you're successful, make sure to ask him if he has any fantasies about you. Of course, you’ll return the favour and help him create the scenario that turns him on.
Final tip: I’m hoping you turn your shy guy into a red-hot policeman -- but if you find he hates this idea, don’t take that as a total turn down. Instead ask him what fantasy figure he might like to pretend to be. There's usually a compromise to be had.
Good luck, Dr Pam x