'Help me plan a sexy birthday surprise for my husband!'
Dear Dr Pam,
My husband's 37th birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I'd love to give him a really special surprise, but feel a bit rusty when it comes to sex. This is because we've been through so much together in the last couple years.
First and worst of all, his brother was killed in a car accident and it devastated him as they were like best friends. And then he had to take a pay cut at work or face redundancy. He really struggled with this. Then I was made redundant but finally found work again.
During all this stress we became emotionally stronger -- and I feel blessed because these issues could tear other couples apart. But where we have struggled is in the bedroom. I'd love to think of something really sexy for him to get our sex life back on track. Have you got any starter tips to get the spark back for us?
Dear 'Sexy surprise,'
Your email has touched me so much, and you're absolutely right that you two could've been torn apart by all that's happened. Instead you stuck together and obviously love each other very much. Funny enough, the very best starter tip I recommend is having the will to get things back on track. It's clear that you are absolutely committed to doing just that. You're talking about regenerating that sexy spark between you but a combination of romance plus some fun tips and tricks will make all the difference. So begin with the romantic-vibe and make sure you show him that loving feeling every day. The more you do that the more he'll respond. And when you want some loving words or reassurance, just ask him. Men aren't mind readers!
Start sending him regular flirty and loving messages, giving compliments when he looks hot. If you can afford to, book a romantic date -- maybe for his birthday. Generate some real romance by surprising him with a trip to the place where you first met. If the pub or restaurant where you had your first date still exists, go there. Relationship research shows a stroll down memory lane makes a couple feel loved-up.
Now for the sexy birthday surprise: Has he ever 'jokingly' said something like he could imagine you as a 'sexy nurse'? Take my word, when a man jokes about something like that he really wants it. So think back to things he's hinted at before all these stressful times. Could you turn it into a sexy birthday treat? It's easy to get hold of things like a sexy nurse outfit from High Street or online adult shops. Turn up the fun and don't warn him that you're going to dress up as a nurse -- or whatever you know he might like -- for his birthday. Instead get home early that night, and as well as having a birthday dinner ready, light some candles and be dressed as that person of his fantasies. Then get into character. For example, if you dressed as a nurse start some fantasy chat like telling him he's got to be a 'good patient and do everything you say.'
Generally take advantage of any situation you can sex up. For instance, the next time you need a shower invite him to join you. Make it candlelit and enjoy sensual kissing and foreplay under a cascade of warm water. Then towel each other dry and slip between the sheets for some luscious oral sex knowing you're both freshly showered.
Keep in mind what a turn on it is for you to tell him what you'd like him to do. Sex research shows most men love to be told -- in red hot detail -- exactly how to kiss, caress and stroke you. You've been through so much, so remind yourself you've now got the confidence to say how much you'd like him to, for instance, tease your breasts or your inner thighs with gentle strokes.
Final tip: Keep the new fun, loving and romantic vibe going where you can -- like when you're sharing a yummy dessert spoon feed each other. Any excuse for a little physical contact and flirtatiousness will help get things back on track.
Good luck, Dr Pam x
Need some sex or relationship advice? Email your question to Dr Pam at DrPamiVillage@gmail.com