Helping your child cope with bullying

He’s not alone

If your child blurts out that he’s being bullied, bear in mind that it may have taken a whole lot of courage to tell you. It also represents that vital first step towards resolving the situation – so praise your child for his bravery in sharing what’s happened to him.

Then you can reassure him that it’s in no way his fault, that lots of boys and girls suffer from bullying, unfortunately – and that you’ll work together to sort it out.

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board

Telling a teacher

Once you’ve been put in the picture – and assuming the bullying is happening at school – encourage your child to tell a teacher whenever further incidents occur.

Your child’s class teacher, or head of year, should be your first point of contact too. Make an appointment for a meeting, explaining that you’d like them to go through the school anti-bullying policy with you (by law, every school must have one).

While it’s natural for emotions to run high, try to remain calm and non-combative, and explain that you’d like to work together to resolve the issue.

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board

When the bullying doesn’t stop….

If the bullying persists, you may feel that a follow-up meeting at school is necessary – perhaps with the head teacher, the chair of the school’s board of governors or chair of the parent council (which have replaced school boards in Scotland).

Older children and teens are often horrified about a situation being blown up into ‘a big thing’, as they fear that this will attract even more unwanted attention.

So always be sensitive, and consult your child at every stage.

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board

Power games

Even low-level bullying can erode a child’s self esteem, leading to shyness, depression, isolation and poor academic achievement.

However, try to help your child to understand that bullying is a way of playing with power, and that bullies are often weak, insecure individuals. It may help your child or teen to read about high-profile people who were bullied too, yet went on to achieve huge success.

For instance, Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Christina Aguilera and actor Robert Pattinson were all victims – and look at them now.

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board

Fighting talk

It’s tempting to advise your child to ‘fight back’ – but that often leads to more trouble and escalated violence. In fact, bullies crave a response of any sort, so a more effective tactic is walk away and tell someone.

‘Sean’s money for the tuck shop was being taken from him by an older boy at our local holiday club,’ says iVillager Amanda, 40, of her eight-year-old son.

‘I was pleased that he didn’t hit out at the boy, but told one of the leaders instead, then told me when I went to collect him.’

When nothing was done, Amanda contacted the relevant department at her local council, who ran the facility and quickly put anti-bullying guidelines into place.

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board

Silent yet sinister – the world of cyber bullying

Mobile phones, chat rooms, instant messaging and social networking sites are a great way to communicate – but they can be used in an insidious form of bullying too.

‘A Facebook 'hate page' was set up in my daughter’s name,’ says Chloe, 44, mum to 13-year-old Jemma. ‘I phoned the year head at her school, who contacted the parents of all the kids who’d left spiteful comments on it. Bringing it out into the open made many of the kids ashamed at their involvement, and it stopped immediately.’

Tell your child never to respond to cyber bullying, and visit CEOP’s advice website at www.thinkuknow.co.uk.

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board

Spotting the changes

Bullying doesn’t always happen at school. Sometimes a child’s unwillingness to continue with a previously enjoyed activity can suggest that she’s being targeted by a bully.

Seeming more withdrawn than usual, eating less and having trouble sleeping can also be signs that all’s not well.

Sometimes, children don’t want to talk about what’s happening, so go gently, perhaps discussing bullying in a general sense, or sharing your own experience of being bullied. Hopefully, then she’ll start to talk.

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board

Boosting your child’s confidence

Encouraging your child to try new activities and clubs not only broadens his social group, but helps him to learn new skills too. In building his confidence, you’re helping him to develop resilience against bullies – a sort of protective outer shell.

Enjoying positive experiences – whether it’s taking part in a swimming tournament or having a painting chosen for a local exhibition – can works wonders in building healthy self esteem.

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board

Most wanted

While bullying is always wrong, and should never be tolerated, it’s worth suggesting to your child that she doesn’t take hugely desirable items to school, especially if a bully has tried to extort money or a treasured possession.

Of course, bullies target children for what they don’t have too, mocking cheap trainers or no-brand jeans.

Encourage your child to regard these people as sad individuals obsessed with material possessions and status. Who’d want to be shallow like that?

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board

Beyond bullying…

When a bullying incident has been dealt with, encourage your child to move on and enjoy the company of people who make him feel good.

Bullying is, unfortunately, a fact of life – but there’s life after it too. Hopefully, in telling an adult and refusing to respond to the bully, your child will emerge feeling proud and confident that he’s handled a tricky situation well.

As for the perpetrators? They’re the weak ones, missing out on the true friendships and wonderful experiences that make your child’s life such fun. 

See also:

• The Beat Bullying message board