Holmes is where the heart is

Dame Kelly Holmes etched her name into the record books by winning two gold medals for Great Britain at the 2004 Olympics in Athens. With the Beijing Games fast approaching, she spoke exclusively to iVillage.co.uk's Gavin Conway about who she thinks will strike gold this summer, the sporting icon that inspired her and the personal struggles she overcame on her way to sporting greatness

Can you believe it's four years since you won your two Olympic gold medals?

Kelly Holmes: It certainly seems to have flown by although I've also done so much since then. But really, it doesn't seem that long ago that I won the two golds.

With the Games nearly upon us is there a part of you that wishes you were still out there competing?

Kelly Holmes: No not at all. I certainly wouldn't want to be there performing. I'd like to be fitter than I am now but I'd have to do the training so that's not going to happen!

I will miss the camaraderie with the British team, the buzz and hype surrounding the Games and the feeling that you're there with other athletes competing at such a high level. I used to room with a 5000m runner, Jo Pavey, who is competing at these Games. We were texting each other and she was saying 'Oh it's not the same here without you in the team', so I do miss that side of it but, no I wouldn't want to be there competing.

What part of being an athlete do you never want to go back to?

Kelly Holmes: All the feelings you go through: you get so apprehensive, so nervous you're just constantly thinking 'what's the outcome going to be, am I going to achieve my ultimate aim?'

There's so much focus and discipline. It's great when you're at something like the Olympics, don't get me wrong. It's brilliant to have that feeling of going for something really big. I think if I hadn't achieved what I did I'd have a different view of things but I have nothing to prove to myself on that front anymore.

You've spoken openly in the past about depression. How important do you feel high-profile cases such as yours are in helping other sufferers cope with and understand their symptoms?

Kelly Holmes: I think generally in life, everything gets so stressful these days and people go through things and maybe they don't talk about it so much because they think there's no need to or it's private.

It's very easy to look at someone who's achieved at a high level and think it was an easy journey or they were blessed and gifted and they could do whatever they wanted to do, but actually it's not like that, you know.

Different people have different backgrounds and mine was not the easiest of backgrounds from the word go and so it's good to be able to talk about it and say: 'Actually, I'm a human being, I just happen to have the ability to do something different in life and achieve it.'

Trying to achieve it, you have to be absolutely focused, dedicated and committed. I think it's a good story to tell people that it's not an easy route and no matter who you are in life and what you go for and what your aspirations and abilities are it is a struggle and you have to learn how to get over that and come out on top.

You're now an inspirational figure to millions of people. Which athletes did you look up to and try to emulate when you were starting out?

Kelly Holmes: Seb Coe. I was at an event with him a few days ago and kept saying 'my hero!' I sounded like a right saddo! I watched him in the 1984 Olympic Games and he won the 1500m - he won it in 1980 as well but I was a bit young then so it didn't mean so much.

From the day I saw him in '84 I knew I wanted to be an Olympic champion. I think it's good to have role models to inspire you. Even if it's just a dream that you go for, along that journey you end up learning a lot about yourself.