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Patio heaters: the eco-enemy in your back garden

Once they were luxurious, seemingly harmless, novelties. Now there are over a million of them - mushrooming in gardens across the land belching out greenhouse gasses. They're eco-enemy number one. They are, of course, patio heaters

Like all bits of domestic kit, the patio heater started off as an expensive extra and ended up a cheap essential. Now they're on sale in supermarkets. And we're talking Lidl, not Waitrose. They are available in the aisles ready-assembled or flat-pack from as little as £39.99. Mini table-top versions cost even less. All you need to add is flammable gas and guests. Or flammable guests.

Now no garden is complete without one of these thermal totem poles. We cluster around them in small knots. Like moths, we are drawn to them whatever the weather. Those who get too close go ever so slightly crispy on one side. Those left outside what manufacturers call the 'heat radius' simply freeze. There is no happy medium.

Apart from the fry-or-freeze factor there is the issue of fuel. This form of central heating for the outdoor room is far from efficient. A standard 13kg canister burns for just 12 hours. Used in an indoor gas fire it lasts 10 times longer. And it's another thing to manage. You must first find someone to deliver those giant bottles of gas - there's no way you can drag one home. Then only those who have worked behind a bar can actually change the bottle. No sooner is this palaver over than it's time to change it again. An empty patio heater has all the unrealised promise of a Soda Stream. It's six-foot of brushed-steel frustration.

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