House husbands - are they really a dream come true?

It is many women’s dream to find a man who wants to stay at home and bring up the kids, leaving them free to pursue their own career aspirations in the knowledge their offspring are being well cared for. This is the reality for a small but growing number of women, with statistics showing that there are currently 192,000 ‘househusbands’ in the UK.

So why are couples increasingly opting for this lifestyle choice? And are there any dangers you need to be aware of before handing over the reins of the household to your spouse? The reality is that both parties need to take this step with their eyes firmly opened, otherwise what could at first appear to be an ideal situation could easily descend into a nightmare.

Why become a househusband?

Although the sight of a father at the school gates is far from becoming the norm, more and more are playing an active role in their children’s upbringing. Some of these are men who have been unwillingly thrust into the role of primary carer after being made redundant, whilst their wives adjust to being the breadwinner of the family. However, for many who make up this army of ‘hands-on dads’, this is a positive lifestyle decision.

The extension of maternity leave is also a factor, with women who are unwilling to leave their babies after three months changing their minds after a year of sleepless nights and midnight feeds! Due in part to these trends, it is now becoming more socially acceptable for a father to take on the lion’s share of household and childcare duties, while women take the opportunity to return to work.

Impact on your relationship: can you survive it?

Having a househusband might seem fashionable, but it is important to look at the vital statistics before taking the leap. Evidence suggests that the divorce rate is rising disproportionately in these cases, which strongly suggest that there is something about the arrangement which just doesn’t quite work. There are a number of factors which need to be considered:

• You might earn more money than him, but will your partner feel emasculated becoming a dependant rather than the provider for the household? Is this going to lead to resentment of your career further down the line?
• He might not have a problem becoming a full-time dad, but for some there is still a social stigma attached to the role. Exclusion from tight-knit support networks such as mothers’ coffee mornings could lead to a lonely and isolating experience of fatherhood.
• Whilst we have moved on from the traditional gender roles of alpha male and domesticated female, some women still want to feel protected and provided for by their man. It is important to think about whether you could lose respect for your partner if he gave up his job in favour of household chores, and whether you might resent the fact that he is not ‘pulling his weight’ in the relationship.
• Finally, do you trust your man to be a househusband? Many women actually find it very difficult to relinquish control of household arrangements to their men. Problems can easily arise and even lead to relationship breakdown if men feel unappreciated or constantly criticised by their absent wives for not performing tasks ‘up to standard’. In addition to this, women may feel resentful they have effectively taken on two full-time jobs, juggling a demanding career and having to bring up children too, since their partner is not doing the job properly.