How to beat bullying

A bullied child will often feel too guilty and scared to share the problem with an adult. Often, it's up to the parents to find out what's wrong. Anna Selby helps identify some of the telltale signs

Bullying happens to a certain degree in every school. If your child's head teacher tells you it doesn't happen there, don't believe a word of it. The problem is often one of definition. One person's bullying is another's harmless teasing. Generally, however, bullying is defined in terms of the effects it has on the victim.

Andrew Mellor, former Anti-bullying Development Officer for Scotland, describes it thus: 'Bullying happens when one person or a group of people tries to upset another by saying nasty or hurtful things to him or her again and again. Sometimes bullies hit or kick people or force them to hand over money; sometimes they tease them repeatedly. The person who is being bullied finds it difficult to stop this happening and is worried that it will happen again.'

Other definitions include the spreading of malicious rumours and leaving certain children out of games. Whatever form it takes, though, two things are certain: bullying hurts and no parents would ever want their child to be the victim of it.

Recognising the signs

The problem is that parents often don't even realise that bullying is going on, especially as children don't want to talk about it, either for fear of reprisals or because the victims feel they are somehow to blame. Certain signs, however, should make you consider the possibility:

Your child suddenly becomes reluctant to go to school

Your child seems uncharacteristically anxious

Your child has nightmares or starts to wet the bed

Your child develops vague illnesses to avoid going to school

Clothes or belongings are damaged or missing

Dinner money is regularly 'lost'