Dr Pam's love clinic

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How do I spice things up with aphrodisiacs?

By Dr. Pam Spurr on 16 Nov 2011 No comments

Dear Dr. Pam,

My boyfriend and I have been together for six months and although things between us are not always going smoothly, we try to make it work. But when it comes to our sex life, there is a lot to be desired! We don’t have sex often (usually a couple of times monthly) because his sex drive is not particularly high.

At first I thought that the problem is in me but when I talked to him about it, he just said that he’s never been the ‘sexual’ type. However I don’t want to be in a relationship where sex is not on the menu. So I was thinking of giving aphrodisiacs (such as food) a go... But I don’t know much about them so I was wondering if you could give me some expert advice and information?

Dear 'aphrodisiac curiosity',

I'm glad you got in touch because this is certainly interesting ‘food for thought’ so to speak. Before I recommend some of the classic aphrodisiacs I think there are things you should consider when someone has a lower sex drive. Even when, as in your partner's case, they claim that they've never been the ‘sexual’ type, sometimes that resigned attitude masks other things.

Think through the following and how they might apply to him:

Does he have a depressive nature? If he's experienced long-term depression then he may well have never felt very sexual.
Is he on any long-term medications that might affect his hormonal balance, particularly his testosterone levels? Some long-term medications definitely dampen down desire.
And you don't mention his age - certainly over 40 testosterone levels decrease quickly but in some men they can decrease earlier. If he's, e.g., in his late 30s or older he could have his testosterone levels checked out.
Has he been under perpetual stress for many years? For instance is he in a high stress occupation? When someone's been stressed for many years they may well have had decreased sexual interest for many years too.
Does he suffer from low self-esteem? Those with low confidence often feel less desire. They worry they'll be a failure in bed, they don't have the confidence to sex-periment, etc.
Finally, has he always been a big drinker? Excess alcohol to clear for long periods of time definitely affects what goes on down below.

Once you've considered some of these areas here are a few classic aphrodisiac foods:

Avocado - loaded with essential fatty acids and anti-oxidant which both help and the production of sex hormones. Their smooth and creamy texture is very sensuous. The Aztecs called the avocado tree the "tree with testicles".

Bananas - great for your health bananas are said to have energy giving properties. They’re ideal to share baked with honey, cinnamon, and hot cream as many people love them. For best effect, bake them in their skins as it’s actually an alkaloid in their skin that has an ‘aphrodisiac’ effect. This is released by baking.

Chocolate - rich in chemicals that give energy - the darker the variety the better. It contains the chemical phenyl ethylamine that stimulates the brain giving a euphoric effect and energy. It usually contains caffeine too so potentially it is ‘energy giving’ and mood enhancing. Something very simple like hand feed each other with strawberries dipped in warm chocolate can raise temperatures.

Ginger, cinnamon, chili, and ginseng - all of these have a stimulant effect on the circulatory system - and you won't you circulation pumping for sexual desire.

The following can be bought from some health food shops...

NEVER TAKE ANY SUCH PREPARATION before consulting your doctor. Herbal preparations can interfere with prescription medications - you have been warned!

Also do not take any more than recommended on the label!

Avena Sativa (green oats) - Sometimes mixed into preparations with other aphrodisiacs, it seems to boost their effects. Research seems to support the view that it boosts libido particularly in people with low testosterone. Can be added to various foods.

Damania - Having a botanical name that speaks above lust – Turnera diffusa aphrodisiaca – is one of the most popular aphrodisiacs. Grown in hot countries Mexican women have served hot drinks from damania said to create a mild euphoria. The presence of several alkaloids in it boosts circulation thus aiding sexual arousal. Often sold in capsule form or as a tincture.

Epimedium grandiflorum - The plants are pulverised and then sold in capsule form.

Gingko Biloba - Taken from trees found in Japan and China this is well known to increase blood and oxygen flow. It is also said to enhance mood and have a knock on effect to lovemaking.

Horny goat weed - Ttraditionally seen as a sex remedy for men - now being marketed for women, too.

Maca - Grown at high altitude in South America and it is believed to give energy and vitality.

Muira Puama - Found in the roots and bark of an Amazonian tree, this is particularly popular in Germany. Available in its raw form you may prepare a brew with it and add to your favourite drink. It’s also available in capsule.

Padma 28 - This herbal extract from Tibet has undergone clinical trials that found it was effective in improving blood flow to constricted arteries. Enhancing blood flow is important to achieving arousal.

Yohimbine - Evidently better at increasing male libido, yohimbine is a commonly used aphrodisiac in Africa and the West Indies. Scientific trials on rodents and humans have shown a positive effect from this product derived from yohimbe tree bark. It boosts neurotransmitter levels and can be brewed into a tea from its natural form or taken as a tincture available.

Final tip:it's easy to lose patience with a non-sexual partner. Even their good qualities start to wear thin when you're feeling frustrated. However, ridiculing, bullying or cajoling won't work. But in a positive and confident way looking through the above in trying to encourage positive changes are the best ways forward.

I hope things work out for you two, Dr Pam x

For loads more advice, Dr Pam's latest sex-and-love guide is available on Amazon.

Also visit www.drpam.co.uk

Have you got a sex or relationship problem? Email Dr Pam at pam.spurr@nbcuni.com