Our straight talking Lancashire lass takes a sideways look at the daily news.
How to solve youth unemployment, by Ian Duncan Smith
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Dear Electorate,
It has come to my attention that quite a lot of young people don’t have jobs. Not just the usual benefit scrounger, immigrant, X-box addict scumbags – I know the type. No, shockingly, even some educated youngsters from the Home Counties are finding it hard to get onto the job market!
I don’t know how this happened. We cut all the public service jobs to make way for private enterprise. Surely removing the ‘dead wood’ of state funded employment would encourage new talent to rise from the ashes, phoenix-like with their sparkling entrepreneurial spirit and drive to succeed! But no. I am disappointed in the youth of Britain. They lack ambition and creativity.
We, the Tories, gave them opportunities! Granted, we took away their Educational Maintenance Allowance and closed all youth clubs, sports centres, libraries and other schemes designed to give experience and confidence (confidence? Pah! These sandal-wearing Liberals have a lot to answer for). But we did this so they had space to grow. Space to flex their business-muscles and expand their money-making minds. You have to be cruel to be kind.
Yes, it may be difficult to get any sort of business loan from the banks. Sure, most people are cutting back on spending, and of course the cost of running a business has sky-rocketed. But times are hard and, as my dear father used to say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And anyway, what happened to borrowing money from your family? It’s what me and my colleagues do. The Bank of Mater & Pater has certainly seen me through some rocky times, guffaw! There’s no shame in asking for help. Unless it’s for benefits, in which case you should go to prison.
But these stinking, lazy teenagers should think about how to get a job. Think. With their minds. But they don’t. Instead they all sit around dreaming about finding fame on X-Factor. [LINK: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2104027/Stacking-shelves-better-dreaming-stardom-X-Factor-says-Iain-Duncan-Smith.html]
Well believe me, a lifetime of stacking shelves in Poundland as work experience is a perfectly honorable way to make money. Well, not make money as such… But the experience gained through hours of unpaid labour shows grit. It shows determination. It puts the ‘Great’ into Britain.
And as we batten down the hatchets for stormy weather, we must pull together to keep the British Empire at the helm of the fleet. There is no room for ‘job snobbery’ here.
You may think that a degree in Law means something, but unless the graduate hails from a Blue-blooded background (as is right and proper) and they read at Cambridge, they must resign themselves to a career in cleaning toilets. Unpaid. And be grateful for it. Determination to succeed and all that.
You see, there is a natural order to all things. And we privileged few sit at the top of the pile for a good reason. We own the pile. The rest can fend for themselves, but they must learn the hard way. Personally I’d bring back the workhouse…
Yours insincerely,
IDS xxx
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