I’m like a woman possessed with my pregnancy sex drive
Dear Dr. Pam,
I’m four months pregnant and everything’s fine except I’m extremely horny!!! Usually, I’d consider my sex drive pretty normal but at the moment I’m like a woman possessed! My partner has (very generously ;) ) taken my increased libido in his stride, but it’s not in keeping with our normal sexual routine and I feel like he’s a bit freaked out by it and can’t commit to meeting my constant need! What do I do!?! I’m still working (in an office) but sex is on my mind non-stop.
Dear 'Woman possessed',
Many will be green with envy over your newfound love for lust because pregnancy hits women in so many different ways: for some it kills off any inkling of desire, for others it stays the same and for women like you it skyrockets.
This is great and nothing to worry about except, quite rightly, how your partner is able to keep up with you without ending up on his knees begging for a night off sex-duties. Believe me, this can happen! I know one couple where her sexual demands increased so much during pregnancy that he ended up with the nickname 'stumpy' because he claimed she was going to wear his manhood down to a stump.
So to keep everything happy and balanced here are a few things I recommend
- It's easy to turn something like a different level of sex drive between you into an issue. So far, so good, and you and your partner see it for what it is – a hormone-linked increase in desire. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't make it an open and ongoing conversation between you two. Definitely check in with each other how you're both feeling.
- While you're up for so much fun in bed make a point of putting him in charge of some of the action. Tell him you'd love to know what he secretly might like to try – doing things he wants to try (within some sort of reason) will mean he doesn't feel it's all about you and your newfound sexiness.
- Remind each other this is a phase that you can enjoy before ‘baby makes three’. After the baby arrives you'll face all sorts of changes including your sexual desire potentially taking a nose dive. And you might find it diminishes much later in pregnancy anyway.
- There is nothing wrong with self-pleasure and certainly when someone goes through a period of increased libido it can help ease the sexual tension... without easing their partner into exhaustion. So enjoy masturbating when you have the time and you think he might be tired out after, e.g., a long day of work. Maybe you can relax and enjoy some self pleasure in the evening while having a relaxing shower or bath. By giving yourself some sexual release it'll take the pressure off of him.
Final tip: This is a chance for both of you to learn to discuss things that sometimes couples find difficult. Because let's face, once a baby arrives many couples discover anxieties over how to raise a baby, arguments over child rearing practices, frustration over who gets up to do the night feeds (unless you're breast-feeding), how to balance your budget, etc. Treating this as an opportunity to communicate better with each other will have long-term benefits.
Have fun, Dr Pam x
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