I breastfeed but you don't have to

By Amanda Fisher

This week I’d like to talk about breastfeeding. But before I start I want to make it clear that I believe in a woman’s choice as to how she feeds her baby. I’m all for giving women as much information as possible about the benefits of breastfeeding so that each new mother can make an informed choice based on the facts, but nothing annoys me more than those who forcefully push the ‘breast is best’ campaign and even look at formula feeding mothers as some kind of failure.

I personally choose to breastfeed because I want to. The benefits to me and my baby are just an added bonus of the choice I made. Before giving birth I knew I wanted to try it but also knew that if it didn’t work out for us I wouldn’t beat myself up about it.

I was bottle fed and so was my sister. Both of us are highly educated and healthy women. I’m not denying that breastfeeding does have a lot of benefits for both baby and mother, but I’m trying to show that formula feeding is not the ‘evil’ that some would have us believe.

I remember having this argument with my husband during the latter stages of my pregnancy. He just couldn’t see how anyone who is physically able to breastfeed would choose not to. I, on the other hand, could see that it doesn’t have to be physical problem that stops women choosing that option.

There could be any number of emotional or psychological issues that prevent a woman from breastfeeding and, as I explained to my husband, surely a calm and confident mother is much better for her baby than one who is battling to breastfeed just because she feels she has to in order to be a ‘good mother’.

Let’s get one thing straight before I go any further: I believe the definition of a good mother is one who has made an informed choice that provides the best environment and relationship for her and her baby. We are too fast to judge others based on how they live their lives and never is it more obvious than when we look at other parents.

So I want to repeat once again that although I am all for the provision of accurate information about the benefits of breastfeeding, I am not one of those who will push ‘breast is best’ because sometimes it really isn’t best for the mother and if it isn’t right for the mother then it certainly won’t be best for the baby.

I’m glad we got that cleared up before we go any further because now I am going to tell you about the highs and lows of my own breastfeeding journey so far and I wouldn’t want you to think that just because I chose this option for me and my baby that I in any way think it is right for every mother and her child.

So, how has it been for us so far? Well, on the whole I have absolutely loved breastfeeding my baby. There is nothing more precious to me than being able to comfort and nurture my son in this way.

I never have to worry about making up a bottle before leaving the house and as I often do this on a whim to try and calm down a fractious little boy I am glad I can just grab the changing bag and go knowing I always have milk on hand for if he gets hungry. That being said, there is the downside of always being the one ‘on call’ so to speak for feeds both day and night.

I do express regularly because I seem to have an absolutely abundant milk supply. I actually invested in something known as ‘breast shells’, which are plastic cups you place in your bra over one breast as you feed from the other and it collects the milk you may leak, enabling you to then pour it into a bottle or milk storage bag rather than having it soak through two breast pads, your bra, your top and all over the baby!

These have been a real godsend for me as I regularly collect a good half ounce every time I feed, meaning that by the end of the day I have a good feed’s worth of milk to either freeze or give to my husband for one of the night time feeds.

I always knew I wanted my husband to experience the joy of feeding his child and so we invested in some bottles and a breast pump so that he could have a go. We very cautiously introduced the bottle at first, having read that some babies become ‘lazy’ and begin to refuse the breast in preference for the easier bottle feeds.

However, our boy sucked so hard on the normal teats that he often choked and another fantastic find for us was a bottle with a teat that works just like the breast. Nothing comes out of it without the baby suckling as he would normally and it works really well for us. And we had no need to worry about Oscar preferring the bottle as although he will happily take it from my husband or my mum, he absolutely refuses to accept it from me!

Being able to express and having a good supply means that we are freed up somewhat for the odd day or night out. This weekend, for example, my mum came and babysat so that we could go out to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. We were out for several hours and yet we knew my mum had enough milk to feed Oscar with, meaning we could enjoy ourselves without having to rush back for a feed.

The downside of this however is that my body continues to make milk at the same rate and I was so desperate to express when I got home that I managed to fill a 5oz bottle and give my boy a good feed before I felt any relief from the engorgement. And even worse was the fact that a milk blister I had developed during the week previous got worse and I ended up with very painful blocked milk ducts that took a whole lot of hot compresses, painful massaging and several feeds to clear.

So, for us, breastfeeding has been a real joy for the most part and really nowhere near as challenging as I once feared it might be. But it can be painful, it is most definitely messy at times, and being woken up in the middle of the night for the umpteenth time knowing I either have to feed or express really does make me wonder when it’s going to get a little bit easier.

But we have been lucky. We’ve had no real problems with my supply or Oscar’s latch and we haven’t had to fight to continue feeding this way, nor has introducing the odd bottle or dummy done any damage to our breastfeeding relationship. In our case, ‘breast’ really is ‘best’, but I know it could easily have been very different.

See also: