Our straight talking Lancashire lass takes a sideways look at the daily news.
Icky food from boobs?
Would you pay £14.99 for a scoop of ice cream made from human breast milk? This question has been batted around the media after The Icecreamists, an ice-cream parlour based in Covent Garden, launched ‘Baby Gaga’ – vanilla ice cream made from donated breast milk.
Personally, the thought of eating anything containing human breast milk makes me feel sick.
Yes, I know the argument that milk from cows is equally as gross, and unless you buy organic milk the cows will be enduring living hell just so we can have a nice cup of tea. I don’t care. Breast milk ice cream for adults? Isn’t that a bit creepy and, let’s be honest, the reserve of fetishists?
I was chatting to some friends about this – some have kids, others don’t. And without fail, all the mothers were championing breast milk as a nutritious source of food for everyone, and were utterly bemused as to why some people might find the thought of drinking their personal milk sickening. Some were so in favour of breast-milk flavoured ice cream that they were practically evangelical about it, and I became scared.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m totally for breast feeding babies, it’s awesome and more people should do it – and they should certainly carry on beyond the average of six weeks. My issue is that I don’t want to eat it myself. I’m 32 years old, I don’t need it. It’s gross.
Granted, the only experience I have of breast milk is when my 8-week old God Daughter was sick all over my shirt. Still, would you want to eat stuff that was secreted by your mother? No! It’s disgusting. Sorry mum, but you know what I mean.
The psychological weirdness of an adult drinking boob milk rates about 11.5 on my Richter Scale of Wrongness. This is why there is a large fetish movement for people who are into that kind of thing. And it’s no coincidence that The Icecreamist parlour is decked out like a Soho sex shop.
In fact The Icecreamists are presenting their ‘organic’, ‘natural’ (try ‘icky’ and ‘nauseating’) Baby Gaga milk as something sexy – the dessert is served by a Lady Gaga lookalike in a skimpy leotard and mask – and it comes with a baby bottle and a side serving of rusk with optional shots of bonjella or calpol. For me, it’s the sexualisation of mother’s milk that makes the whole thing deeply icky.
And as an afterthought to my daily rantings, London Borough Council have ‘seized’ the offending ice cream after a couple of complaints from the public and ‘fears of safety' concerns (oh purleeeese!).
Still, if The Icecreamists were looking for free publicity and tonnes of media attention, selling Baby Gaga was bang on the money.
There are three topics you should always avoid discussing at dinner parties: politics, religion and breast feeding, and this stunt has really stoked the debate.
I’m just waiting to get lynched by the Mumsnet brigade…