Dr Pam's love clinic

Each week, award-winning radio presenter, agony aunt, sex and relationship advisor, and life coach Dr Pam Spurr will be advising iVillagers on real-life love and sex issues. Check back every week to read her latest words of wisdom

I'd love to give him a sexy surprise for Valentine's

By Dr. Pam Spurr on 14 Feb 2012 No comments

Question: Dear Pam,

My boyfriend and I don’t want to do anything big for Valentine’s Day but he wants to cook me a meal. In return I’d really like to treat him in the bedroom - sex afterwards is inevitable but I want it to be a bit special. I’m planning on buying some sexy underwear and I thought I’d light a few candles… but what else can I do to set it apart from our usual sexual routine? I want to really turn him on…

Dear 'Usual sex routine',

So glad to hear from someone who wants to plan a surprise for their partner! And that goes for men as well as women - putting a little bit of thought into trying something new definitely helps keep a relationship brand spanking fresh!

People should never feel pressured to dream up new sex-capades every week but occasional treats make your partner feel special and boosts your sexual confidence for trying it out.

You don't say what your usual sexual routine is but I'm guessing the following:

you have the same foreplay ‘routine’ every time
you have one or two tried-and-tested favourite positions
you tend to have sex on the same day of the week [e.g. on a Saturday]
you probably have sex at about the same time [e.g. on a Saturday morning]
one of you tends to always initiate sex

Has that checklist pretty much described your sex life? I wouldn't be surprised if it did. So here are a few easy tips to begin with:

I'm assuming Tuesday evening isn't your big ‘sex night’ (I may be wrong but it isn't for most people) so for starters that’s something different.

Think about your foreplay routine - you probably go for the same moves on each other. Surprise him - if you usually start stroking his penis then slip your hand further under his testicles and stroke his perineum.

Better yet, get a vibrator and - using lots of lubricant with it - run the vibrator up and down this area, around his testicles and along the base of his shaft.

If you normally kiss down his chest then do things like varying that with little licks and tiny nips with your teeth (mind you, gently - so it's not painful for him).

Now, think about the positions you two always use - could you move into a different one quite easily? For instance, if good old-fashioned Doggy style is one of your faves, try slipping down from resting on your hands to your forearms being flat on the bed. This lifts your pelvis and gives fantastic G-spot access plus new and different sensations for him.

Encourage him to do a circular motion around and around while he's thrusting to also give you both an exciting sensation.

If you talk a little dirty with him then take it a step further to lots of fantasy-chat. Put him front, square, and centre of your fantasy and tell him how you imagine,for example, he's your sexy boss that makes you do an unusual sex act on him.

Give him loads of details about this fantasy. The more you talk about sexy things the more he will too.

If you haven't got a vibrator then definitely nip out to one of the high street adult shops and get one to introduce into your sex play. Promise him he can use it on you! The catch is you get to do a bit of fantasy-chat where you are the sexy dominatrix telling him exactly how to pleasure you… he must do your bidding

I think you’re probably getting my drift - spicing things up usually means getting creative with what you're already doing and taking it a step further.

Simply giving lots of detail about what you'd like him to do to you - how to touch and please you - is something many couples don't do. It's a big turn on to hear someone talking like that.

Final tip: if you've got lots of sexual confidence why not give him a bit of a lap dance? Tie his hands to the bed (don't use knots, tie with bows for easy release) and then tease him because you're out of his reach.

Have fun, Dr Pam x

Have you got a sex or relationship problem? Email Dr Pam at pam.spurr@nbcuni.com

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