In-law hell

Christmas and family get-togethers go hand in hand but it doesn’t always make for a happy and harmonious celebration. Fiona Gibson anticipates the stresses of an in-law invasion

Oh, joy. Christmas. Time to hurry home to the family nest to be greeted by the aroma of home-made stuffing. Time to be pampered, to sip sherry at 9.30 am, to doze in front of the TV.

Except, that's not really what Christmas is about, is it? Not if you're in a long-term relationship and have children to please. Having a partner may be rather handy the rest of the year (someone to lift heavy objects, etc), but at Christmas – well, it means double trouble. Pleasing both his family and yours. Not difficult exactly – more like downright impossible.

The battle kicks off way before the Big Day itself. ‘So will you be coming to ours this year?’ ask your own parents, hopefully. You explain that it's the in-laws’ turn this year. ‘Don’t worry,’ comes the plaintive reply. ‘We’ll have a quiet time on our own. Might just go to a hotel for Christmas lunch – you know, some damp, miserable place with a two-bar electric fire…’

Meanwhile, the alternative lacks a certain festive cheer. I recall Christmases past with the in-laws: merely wetting my lips with wine, in order to spin it out, and my mother in-law piping up, ‘Gosh, you do drink quickly,’ implying that I was drooling onto a cushion and ought to check into the Priory.

No wonder psychologists agree that it's one of the most stressful periods of the year. A US survey revealed that 41% of adults find Christmas as nerve-wracking as asking for a rise. Much of what we do feels like obligation rather than choice. Naturally, you would rather choose to lie on an enormous, squashy sofa and stuff chocolate brazils, and not have to grip your children's sleeves to stop them attacking the in-laws' china ornaments. David Spellman, Consultant Clinical Psychologist at Burnley College Hospital, reckons you should put your foot down: ‘Don't be too passive about your Christmas arrangements. If you tolerate Christmas at their place, keeping your head down until it’s all over, no one’s winning. Ask yourself how you really want this Christmas to be different from other years – and what you need to do to make that happen.’